


From the outside

by Follow (Scheska)



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Language, M/M, band crossover pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 15:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2073531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scheska/pseuds/Follow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sunggyu is acting weirdly, and suspicions start to arise among his dongsaengs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The first meeting

**Author's Note:**

> \- This story incudes the pairing between an Infinite member and an idol from outside the group.
> 
> \- There are hints as for who MysteryIdol is. 
> 
> \- Light boyxboy.
> 
> \- Sorry for the very probable existence of typos.
> 
> \- The times of the story and the group's schedules are lightly based on a real period of time, but not completely accurate.
> 
> \- English is not my first language.

He set the water bottle down on the narrow table, already overloaded with little to medium boxes and packages, and neared the set of pictures hanging on the wall. There were numerous faces that he could recognize, and a few he couldn’t. A few he knew were no longer in the same industry, others stuck around but in different jobs, and a final bunch were still what you could call “coworkers”. He inched closer to the frames, admiring from close the mostly happy faces, some still in the stage clothing, mics in hand, sweaty foreheads, sometimes prizes up high. _Will there be a time when we’re here too? Why aren’t we yet? We won a few of these, didn’t we? Yeah, aren’t these the same… Or maybe these are different awards? Let’s see, when was this…?_ He found himself wondering, while closely inspecting a couple of guys, looking all kinds of satisfied. He knew these people, that was for sure, and he thought he could recognize the time the photo was taken, if his memory didn’t fail him, because of the stage outfits-

“Do I look _that_ good?” a voice made him jump in place an almost stamp his face against the picture “Or that bad?”

He looked to the side, and then had to do a double-take, his eyes going larger than usual for a little uncomfortable second when recognition quickly clicked in his head.

“O-oh, sunbaenim!” he immediately and instinctively bowed to the man “No, I was just… trying to remember when was this picture from” he excused himself, feeling as if he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing.

“Oh?” the man raised an eyebrow “You can tell?” he directed his eyes to the photograph.

“Well… I thought I could…” a sudden sense of being tested settled on the back of his head, and the idea of failing restricted the willing to try and take a shot “But I’m not sure anymore”

A soft chuckle preceded the other man’s voice “It’s ok, I’m not going to get offended if you miss it”

There was a bit of silence, a long and awkward period of five to seven seconds in which he kept his stare wandering over the wall, not even the frames anymore, before another little laugh broke the tense atmosphere.

“You’re Infinite’s leader, aren’t you?”

“Y-yes!” he answered in a mixture of surprise and attached pride, and then added with polite automaticity and a well placed smile and bow “Yes I am, Kim Sunggyu, Infinite’s leader, a pleasure”

“Alright then, introductions” the man smiled pleasantly while reaching out a hand that Sunggyu gladly took “I-“

“Oh, there you are!” a third voice irrupted into the scene, and they both turned back to see a very bothered looking man peeking from a corner, black t-shirt, phone in one hand and a handful of papers in the other.

“Yes, hyung, what is it?” the man, whose hand Sunggyu was still holding, asked.

“Could you please tell me where did your friend go to now?” he retorted, his voice heavily laced with annoyance.

“I don’t know, why? What do you need? I wasn’t keeping track of him-”

“What? Come on, you always know where he goes!”

“We didn’t come to perform, why should we stick together? We’re not glued by the hip, hyung. He must be with the kids stealing their food. What do you need him for anyway?”

“Just… Ugh, forget it. If you see him, tell him to come to me asap!” the older man said before disappearing behind the wall in a huff of frustration.

“Gosh” the man sighed “Why doesn’t he just tell me these things beforehand..?”

“Excuse me, sunbaenim?” Sunggyu tried freeing his hand without downright pulling out of the halted handshake.

“Oh, right, sorry”

“It’s ok” he attempted to brush it off with a smile “That was your manager, I presume?”

“Yes, that was our manager” he shook his head as if that was a tragedy, and that earned a little laugh in return “So, you performed already, didn’t you?”

“Yes, we did already”

“Yeah, thought so, didn’t manage to see you on stage, sorry”

“Oh, no, don’t, it’s not like you had to watch us or anything”

“But I wanted to, honestly. You have a good song and I’ve been wanting to see you performing it, but hadn’t have the chance to. And today the time just slipped”

Sunggyu assessed the man’s answer for a fragment of second before deeming it honest enough “Well, thank you for the praise, and it’s ok, I’m sure there’ll be more chances, we’ll be performing it a few times more” he smiled politely.

“Yes, let’s hope so” the man smiled in return.

There was another little stretch f silence, not as awkward as the previous one, but uncomfortable still. Sunggyu struggled for something to say or an excuse to leave, but there was no need.

“So, if you don’t mind me asking, how are things going with the group?”

The question caught him a little unguarded, and it took him a few blinks and a couple of hum’s to start answering.

“What… what do you mean?”

“Well, rumors have it they give you trouble more often than not” the guy provided with a hint of amusement in the quirk of his mouth.

“No, that’s not like it at all. You should know that you can’t trust what shows spread” he immediately shot back, an unconscious tone of reprimand subtlety sharpening his words. When he noticed it, and saw the slight surprise in the other man’s face, he tried to hastily mend it up “I-I mean, they’re really good kids, they might not be saints, but, you know, shows tend to exaggerate a lot to build entertaining profiles. They are a little hard to handle at times, but I guess all groups get like that. I’m no perfect leader either, so you really can’t blame them, it all depends on my own capacity I guess, that they respect me enough to behave as I tell them to or not, so those times-“

“Woah! Ok, stop there! I was trying to joke a little, no need to get so worked up” the man shook his hands out a little. To Sunggyu’s relief though, the hint of amusement was still there.

“O-oh, well, sorry” he mumbled, felling his cheeks slightly warm and suddenly urging to go back to his group.

“It’s ok, my bad anyway, it was too soon for jokes I guess”

“No, it wasn’t, I really-“

“Stop it right there. Let’s leave it at my bad, ok?” the man said, a smile on his face, but a tone that left no room for argument.

Sunggyu had to let a few seconds pass, though, his stubbornness kicking in, before giving in.

“Yes, sunbaenim” he nodded stiffly.

“You can call me hyung, you know?” the man lightly patted his shoulder, lifting the mood effortlessly.

“Oh, ok, thank you” he found himself half nodding half bowing to the man. Immediately after that, he could feel that annoying bump of heavy silence approaching, so he tried to keep the mood going “So… Is it ok if I ask you what are you doing here?” he attempted, but the raised eyebrow he got as response put him on edge again “I mean, since you are not promoting anything right now… I mean, you are not, right?” a little panic attack started forming between his nerves.

“No, we’re not, we just came here to see the boys” he answered half amused, it seemed, by Sunggyu’s increasing uneasiness.

“Boys? Which-Oh, oh right! Sorry…” a little nervous laugh escaped his throat before he could stop it “Yeah, they’re really good out there, you must feel proud”

“Well, we are, yes, they’re doing really good”

Strangely glad to hear honesty in the man’s words, Sunggyu only nodded in agreement, the smile on his mouth narrowing and at the same time softening his eyes. He noted he was being watched curiously for the following two or three seconds, so he averted his eyes to the wall.

“Well, “ the man started, glancing at the screen of his phone “I should be going now. Could you perhaps tell me when are you guys performing again so we can catch you this time?”

“S-sure!” he replied a little flustered and more than glad by the honest interest of this guy in his group.

He saw the man taping quickly at the screen of the phone in his hand, while a single finger was held out in front of him, signing Sunggyu to wait.

“Ok, now tell me” he finally raised his eyes from the phone.

“You’re going to write it down?”

“I’m going to put it in my agenda” the man answered simply.

“Really?” he couldn’t hide the little surprise.

“Why not? I told you I want to see your performance”

A few blinks after that, he managed to blurt out the following dates and times they were going to be appearing on stage.

“You know all of these by heart, huh?”

“Well, yes, I have to know all of our schedules” he answered matter-of-factly.

“Do you also know their individual schedules?”

“I try to, yes, I have to check sometimes, because I got them mixed up when they’re too many, that’s why I try to carry them with me”

A little laugh escaped the man’s lips “Well, you sure do your job”

Sunggyu didn’t know how to take that comment, so he just let it pass, simply hoping it wasn’t sarcastic… But why would it be? He didn’t say anything bad, did he? Was he supposed to know all of their schedules by memory? How did he- _Oh wait, he’s the leader of his group too, isn’t he? Then what if he’s judging me? But, wait, it’s not the same, they’re not-_

“It was a compliment, by the way” the man said, having noticed Sunggyu’s suddenly guarded stance.

“Wha-oh, yes, sorry, thank you” again the awkward laugh and the half nod, half bow.

“Don’t worry” the man smiled “Well, I have to go now, before our managers start hunting us down. A pleasure to meet you Sunggyu-shi”

“Just Sunggyu is ok” he provided with a polite smile.

“Ok then, see you around Sunggyu”

“Right, a pleasure to meet you too sun-I mean hyung” he bowed again.

They parted ways with a wave of hands and rather lax smiles on both faces.


	2. Curious dongsaengs

**[several days later]**

It was our nth presentation by now, and I still had all the excitement bubbling up in my chest. I couldn’t help the little jump in my walk, or the smile going from side to side of my face. I walked down the corridors, lightly humming along the song we had been singing not twenty minutes ago, and peeking in every corner and every open door I found. I had to find Sunggyu-hyung so we could go home, we had an early schedule tomorrow, we hadn’t eaten yet and it was pretty late already. Besides the fact that, even if happy and excited, we were all exhausted. Especially him, so it was kind of weird for him not to be half asleep in some chair back at our waiting room.

I peeked into a room with an open door, but found only a few stylist-noonas gossiping fervently, high pitched giggles muffled by their hands. I turned to keep walking when a glimpse of light caught my attention. There was a door barely open a little further into the corridor, so I went to check it. I was about to open it when I heard hyung’s voice coming from it.

_Oh there you are hyung!  You made me walk for the whole place-_

“ _No, I mean it, it was really good!_ ” an amused voice interrupted my thoughts, and halted my hand as I was about to push the door open.

“ _Ok, ok, I believe you, hyung, I’m just saying_ ” Sunggyu’s voice came out again.

So he was talking with someone in there. I didn’t want to interrupt them, maybe I should knock? I raised my fist but waited a little more. I could hear the voices still talking, it didn’t seem like it was a friend… was it? Maybe a sunbae? Yes, maybe it was a close sunbae…

“ _How is everything going?_ ” the second voice asked, popping out from a little pocket of silence in their conversation. The man sounded a little more serious.

“ _We’re doing good, no major problems so far_ ”

“ _You look kinda slumped_ ”

“ _What?_ ” there was a rustling sound and a throat clearing, I guess it was Sunggyu’s “ _No, why do you say that?_ ”

The man laughed “ _Look, it’s good to give your all to the group and fans, but you shouldn’t lose sight of your limitations, too much could lead to really bad out comings-_ “

“ _Wait, hyung, why are you saying things like that? It’s not like I don’t know that, I’ve been dealing with this for three years already, we’re not rookies-_ “

“ _I know, I know, don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be the voice of wisdom or anything, it’s just that I’ve been there and I’ve had my up’s and down’s… And you guys are still climbing up”_ there was a short second of deathly silence in which _I knew_ Sunggyu was glaring daggers at whoever this sunbae was, and the following amend pretty much proved me right _“And you’re doing a great job, of course! But it can get tricky_ ”

“ _I know hyung_ ” my hyung’s voice sounded a little tight, but forcibly soothed.

“ _Ok, I was just trying to be of some help_ ”

Even I could feel the awkwardness of the following silence.

“ _I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks for the advice hyung_ ” Sunggyu finally gave in, I’m sure unable to hold his stubbornness against a sunbae he still didn’t know that well.

There wasn’t a response, but a long sound of breathing hinted a really gentle laugh.

“ _So, are you going to tell me what is it that is tiring you so much?_ ”

“ _I told you I’m fine, hyung-_ ”

“ _Come on, Sunggyu, are you trying to fool me?_ ” the slightest hint of reprimand present in the stranger’s voice.

A little more silence and a deep sigh, followed some rustling. I waited quiet as a grave. He wouldn’t tell him, would he? He didn’t tell _us_ when Dongwoo asked him last night, and… And how did this guy even know? It had taken us a week to notice! What kind of bandmates noticed these things a week later than a stranger-?

“ _No, I’m not_ ” hyung’s voice sounded with a mixture of nervousness and frustration “ _But… I mean, is it that evident?_ ”

“ _No, don’t worry, it’s just that I can catch the signs. Especially this close_ ”

“ _Yeah, well, you know how promotions are_ ” I recognized hyung’s evasive tone there, and I let my shoulders slump between disappointment and relief.

“ _Yes, yes I know_ ” quietness followed for a few seconds “ _Do you have anything after this?_ ”

“ _No, we’ll go eat something and then back to the dorm, we have a really early schedule tomorrow…_ ”

“Jong!” I jumped out of my skin and automatically distanced myself as much as I could from the door.

“Here!” I called back after I took a few more steps away from the room.

I no time, Woohyun appeared from a corner and walked towards me “Did you find him? I want to go home!”

“No, I’m still looking for him” I said, a little louder than necessary maybe.

“Are you guys looking for me?” Sunggyu’s voice came from behind me, his head peeking from the now half opened door.

“Yes! Where were you?” Woohyun’s whine immediately set a light scowl in Sunggyu’s brow.

“Right here Hyun. I’m coming, wait a second” he then disappeared inside again, coming out a minute after, watching his phone with a weird face.

“Can we go now?”

“Yes, Woohyun, we can go now-”

“ _Let’s keep in touch, see you around Sunggyu!_ ” the voice called loudly from the room, and I could swear I recognized that voice from somewhere now.

“R-right, see you hyung!” Sunggyu bowed and waved to the person behind the door with a sudden smile on his face.

I wanted to catch a glimpse of who was in there, but I was being pushed by a hurried leader before I could even take a step forward.

 

 

* * *

 

**[two months later]**

“Why don’t you let him go buy his… What was it?”

“I don’t even know, he wrote it for me here” Sunggyu said while digging his hand in his pocket before taking a little crunched paper out and attempting to read it “Micro… Microfol… iant? Gel… Peach scented” he looked up to me “That’s underlined”

I snorted loudly and shook my head “Whatever it is, hyung, just let him go buy it, you don’t have to do his errands-“

“I’m going out anyway” he shrugged dismissively.

“Yeah, to buy the carrot juice _he_ was whining about-”

“No, we also need something to eat tonight, there’s only noodles”

“So what? We love it” I shrugged

“Wouldn’t you want something else for a change?”

“ _He_ wants something else, doesn’t he?” I rolled my eyes and I heard him clicking his tongue in response.

“He has a headache, ok? I’m just trying to keep his whining to a minimum, you should be thankful” he pointed at me with the little paper.

“He should go to bed now that he can instead of sticking his stupid face to his laptop-“

“Yah, Howon, he’s still your hyung, don’t talk like that” the leader lightly reprimanded almost automatically.

“Yeah, ok, you get my point anyway”

“Mh”

“And you agree, don’t you hyung?”

“Have you tried making him let go of the damn thing?” he suddenly questioned.

“No”

“I did, wasn’t nice, so shut it” he pretty much ended the conversation while patting his pockets to make sure his wallet was there and walking out of the kitchen.

I sighed as I watched him go, and then heard the door of the dorm open and close.

“Stupid Woohyun and his stupid whims” I grumbled.

A soft slap landed firmly on the back of my head.

“Wha-?”

“I told you not to speak like that” Sunggyu’s voice reappeared from behind.

“Weren’t you gone?”

“You want me gone that badly, Lee Howon?”

“Well, yes, but that’s not the point-“

-smack-

“Ow! Ok, hyung this is abuse of authority already, what is it with you?” I barked annoyed “I’ll denounce you” He raised his hand threateningly and I swatted his hand away “Why did you come back anyway?”

“Forgot my phone” he said picking it up from the counter.

“You’re only going three blocks away, why do you want it?”

“Why wouldn’t I? That’s the joke of cell phones, isn’t it?”

“It’s not like your life’s gonna change for twenty minutes without it”

“Since when are you so adamant on detaching from these?” he waved his phone lightly.

“Since when are so attached to it?”

“Ok, you’re in a bad mood now” he said moving to the door again.

“No I’m not” I kind of was.

“Sure Howon”

“I’m no- Hey, don’t ignore me!” I called in a tone that came out too whiny for my liking, but did the trick anyway.

“What is it?” Sunggyu asked facing me while leaning on the door frame, but before I could say anything, the sound of a new message broke from his phone, and he automatically turned around to read it.

“See?” I said more to myself than anyone.

“What?” he mumbled absentmindedly.

“You know, before you’d always leave that thing randomly anywhere in the dorm and couldn’t find it later, you’d leave it here when we go out half of the time, you neglected that thing most of the time”

“Hmh… your point being…” his fingers were tapping quickly at the screen now.

I stood up and neared him, trying to peek over his shoulder “Who is it that you keep messaging?”

“Yah! Don’t do that!” he jumped away, cradling the phone against his chest.

“But I’m right, now you don’t even go to the bathroom without it”

“What? You’re exaggerating” he said as he returned his attention to the object in his hands.

“I’m not… Look, you’re already ignoring me again”

“No I’m not, I’m listening to you” he didn’t lift his gaze.

“Yeah, right. Whatever, hyung, you should go do Woohyun’s errands before the shop close”

“What?” he blinked up to me for a second, before hurrying away “Right!”

“Cover your face, hyung!” I called after him.

The door slammed close.

 

 

* * *

 

**[a month later]**

Three of us fell straight to the floor, labored breathing through the open mouths, sweat all over, eyes tightly closed. I stayed on my feet, hands on my knees, but for the rest I was just like them.

“Good grief…” a huff came from the floor “I can’t… Do this… Anymore” Sungyeol managed to say between breaths.

A few groans, whines and pained sighs agreed. But a single head shaking in denial had us all giving up on any hopes.

“No, we need to do this right” Sunggyu’s tight, tired voice disagreed. He made to stand up, only managing to rise to his knees, his head down. I could see his arms shaking a little.

“Come on Sunggyu, I bet you can barely stand right now. Let’s take a break, we won’t pull it off in this state” I tried to reason.

“Just… Just one time, _one time_ right and then we’ll take a break” he sounded like he was talking to himself, as if he were pleading to his own body to cooperate with him.

“Sunggyu-hyung, we already nailed most of the songs” Dongwoo said, a hopeful glance towards our leader, who was still kneeling on the floor staring intently at his hands “We’re doing fine” he added, searching for approval in the rest of us, and receiving desperate nods.

Sunggyu shook his head, but I wasn’t sure if it was an answer to us or part of some conversation he was having with himself. He lifted his head and wiped his forehead with the back of a trembling hand, right before swallowing a big chunk of air and releasing it steadily. His eyes were still closed.

“Come one Sunggyu, you know it’s the reasonable thing to do, it won’t do any good to try in this state” I pushed softly, but he only lowered his head again, as one of his hands slipped from his knee, making his back bend a little lower “ _Hyung_ …” I tried.

His eyes fluttered open and blinked a few times, looking up at me with drowsy contemplation.

_Did he hear anything of what we just said?_

He sighed again and nodded looking between defeated, resigned and relieved. At this, the rest of us slumped to the floor and walls, letting the groans roam free and filling the practice room with complaints that sounded more thankful than annoyed.

I sat beside him and eyed him closely “You are the worst looking among us, _you_ should be the one begging for a break”

“Don’t start Woohyun, you know that we need this to be perfect”

“Yeah I know, but I also know that if I don’t stop you, you’ll go overboard and straight to the hospital” I bite back, downing half the bottle of water in my hands.

“Oh, there you go again” he groaned “Ok, thank you so much for saving me then”

“No need to get cranky”

“I’m not, I’m tired” he fell back to the floor.

“I know, that’s why I told you we needed a break-“

“Oh, shut it Nam”

I snickered into my bottle “Well-“ His phone went off and I groaned at the interruption “Since when do you leave your phone on during practice?” I asked as he got up surprisingly quickly and practically ran to our bags “Seriously, what is it with you and that thing lately?”

“This is no time for getting a girlfriend hyung” Hoya jokingly reprimanded from the side, but, for all of our surprise, Sunggyu didn’t react. He just turned and left the room.

There was a few seconds of confused silence.

“Wha-? Did… Did hyung just leave the practice room?” Myungsoo piped out from the floor.

“To answer his phone…” Sungjong provided.

“That he had turned on during practice…” Hoya added.

“And we’re less than half a month from our world tour!” I snapped “What the heck is wrong with him?!”

The contagious laugh sounded around us before our peacemaker interceded “Now, now, guys, maybe it was important, he’ll be back in no time” Dongwoo reassured.

“He better be” I barked back, more to the door than Dongwoo “I give him two minutes before I go kick his ass back here”

“Woah, easy hyung, no need for violence, he won’t neglect practice”

“It’s exactly what he is doing right now Hoya”

“We’re still taking a break anyway-“

“Yeah, a break _he_ didn’t want to give us in the first place!”

“Come on, don’t snap on Myungsoo. If it bothers you so much go bring him back, I’m sure he’ll be done by now” Dongwoo soothed yet again.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m doing” I threw while stomping to the door.

I knew I was kind of overreacting, but I was really nervous and tired. I wanted everything to be perfect too but I also knew when Sunggyu started to push too much, and he was doing it now, he had been doing it for the past week, so these sudden liberties he was taking out of the blue were disconcerting me. And I didn’t appreciate that. That’s not how we worked. He was the obsessive hyung that kept pushing and pushing and demanding and overreacting, and I was the one to keep him in check, to bring him back to earth, to keep him from collapsing, we worked like _that._ So this lack of attention felt somewhat like a betrayal to our little tacit deal, I felt like I was being left out of something. If it was important enough to pull Sunggyu away from the practice room when we still messed up a choreography, then it was definitely important enough for me to know. _That_ is how things worked between us, we were a damned team, I was his right hand dammit, where the fuck is the stupid needle without his thread?!

_And why the heck didn’t I bump into him yet? Is he not planning to go back at all?! I swear I’ll make him spill out-_

“ _No, it’s ok… it’s really ok_ ” I caught his voice filtering through the crack of the bathroom door.

_He’s **still** talking?!_

“ _You don’t need to worry… Yes I know, but haven’t you been through this kind of things already?... Well then I think you know that it’s draining_ ” his voice still sounded tired, but there was a slight tingle to it, as if the exhaustion couldn’t beat the joy of talking with… whoever it was he was talking to. It irked me.

_Stupid hyung, you barely talk to me and you are all puppies and rainbows now?_

“ _What?_ ” he asked, and I panicked for a second, believing I had said that out loud, but then he kept talking “ _No, they’re doing good… Yeah, well, you can’t be perfect, but we still have some time… No, it’s the dancing mostly; the singing is pretty much done… … And how exactly would you help?... … Do you even know any of our choreographies?... Oh yeah? Name one then… Yeah, ok, and how is it?... Wha-?_ ” he laughed “ _Yeah, ok, ok, I give you that one, what else?... ... Aha, that’s another one… That’s it? How are you supposed to be of any help if you only know two dance steps from different songs?_ ” he asked seemingly very amused “ _Oh really? Well you don’t need that much to be better than me… … Wow, no, you’re crossing a line there; you do not disrespect our Dance Machine…_ ” he warned playfully “ _Yes ‘dance machine’, why? …_ _You what?... Wait, wait, wait, you are called the what?_ ” he laughed again “ _Well ok, but, let me tell you that he sings, raps, dances and acts as well, do you do all that?... Oh well, what a coincidence then… No, I didn’t expect less from you… … No… Because I still like my bandmates better…”_ he chuckled.

Even through all the annoyance that was boiling inside of me, I felt strangely relieved that he still favored us before this stranger.

“ _Wahh~ that sounds so exclusive, dance classes with someone with such a hierarchic title, huh?... Mhm… … What?... Really?_ ” his laugh exploded with a relaxation and cheerfulness I hadn’t heard in days “ _Oh God, I hope that won’t happen to us_ ” he added with a cheerful tone. I was really tempted to kick the door open by now, especially as I suspected that he was sitting against it “ _What?... No, no, it is really ok, there’s no need for you to do anything… Yes, really… Yes… I’ll be fine, don’t worry too much, please_ ” his tone softened gradually, up to the point that I started suspecting that Hoya’s joke about a girlfriend was actually kind of true.

_No, he wouldn’t, not now of all times; he’s still the responsible hyung…_

A little laugh sounded from the other side of the door, and I suddenly felt like I was intruding into a conversation I shouldn’t be listening.

“ _Ok… Well, you take care of yourself too… What are you talking about? We’re always awesome_ ” he laughed again, the tone still slightly secretive, and I couldn’t help the goosebumps in the back of my neck. I took a step backwards, sensing the end of the call nearing “ _Yes, I should go back to my group, I left them in the practice room and they must be turning tables upside down by now…”_ another little laugh _“What? No, I mean they must be mad at me for leaving, I told you they’re not **that** bad_ ”

_Wha-? Hey, what’s with the tone?!_

I started retreating slowly, still trying to catch the conversation, but barely hearing anything besides some loose words. When I heard some rustling from the inside, I leaped the remaining space until the corner of the corridor and hid.

The door opened and I heard steps approaching, so I walked forward and _accidentally_ ran into him. I could catch, though, the bright smile on his face just before smashing against me.

_Well now, I’m officially pissed._

 

 

* * *

 

**[two months into the world tour]**

_I’m tiiiired~_

But still I couldn’t keep my leg from bouncing in its place, my head bobbing to the music that came from my headphones. Even my mental complaint went along with the rhythm. The thought made me laugh a little, or I thought it was a little, but the heads turning my way said otherwise. I caught hyung’s stare, a heavy eyebrow raised in mild question. I know he wasn’t all that curious; it wasn’t weird for me to burst out laughing from nowhere after all, so I just smiled at him, getting a gentle smile and a shake of head in return. That made me laugh another little.

A soft bump to my arm caught my attention to the other side, and I found Woohyun with a similar questioning look. I took my earphones off.

“What are you laughing at?” he asked.

“Nothing, just how the music makes me think along”

His eyebrows were still up as he slowly nodded and returned his attention to his phone “Okay”

I laughed again.

“Well, it’s good to know you’re still so energetic, Woo” Sunggyu’s voice came from the other side.

“Ah, no, I’m tired actually, but I can’t keep myself still”

“Oh, believe me I know”

We fell into quietness again, molding ourselves into the soft murmur of the rest of the passengers. The soothing buzz of the engines was filtering into the plane, creating a soft and constant mattress of sound under all of our little noises. I could hear Hoya’s hiphop music blasting from his headphones in the row of sits behind us, and Sungjong and Myungsoo’s voices giggling over something, while Sungyeol’s heavy breathing proved him asleep. To my left, Woohyun was fooling with his phone, some silly game splashing bright colors into the screen while the muffled cheery sounds bounced from his earplugs, and to my right, Sunggyu hyung was tapping furiously into his own phone. My attention clung to that.

“What are you doing hyung?”

“Mh?”

“What are you doing?”

He continued tapping a little, then looked up “Sorry, what?”

“What are you doing?” I repeated while chuckling a little. He was really focused on his phone.

“Oh, nothing, just talking with someone”

“Oh, who is it?”

“No one”

“I see, _no one_ is really talkative then, aren’t they?” I wiggled my eyebrows to him.

“Yah, Dongwoo” he clicked his tongue “Why do you want to know anyway?”

“Just curious. You’ve been glued to your phone lately”

“No I haven’t”

“Oh, yes you have, hyung” I leaned in to try to peek over his shoulder, his attention being fixed on the screen again after the little sound of a new message.

I could see that he was using the chat. I tried to see the names and couldn’t help the grin that spread on my face when I saw that he still kept the name I had written for him that time I borrowed his phone. The other name didn’t say much, though it was weird for Sunggyu hyung to save it like that. I caught a glimpse of the conversation, but only a few phrases:

**Hyuuung~: Come on, Gyu-ah!**

**Kyuzizi: I don’t know, hyung, I’ll be tired! (** **｡** **´** **-д-)**

**Hyuuung~: Exactly, you need to relax a little.**

**Kyuzizi: Relax at a party?**

**Hyuuung~: You’ll be the maknae~** **(*** **ゝ** **∀** **･** **)b**

**Kyuzizi: Really?? I’ll be the youngest?**

**Hyuuung~: Sure thing! There’s no one you need to take care of, they’re all big boys.**

I looked at his face; he had a thoughtful expression, lightly biting his lower lip, and a little tug on the corner of his mouth. Yes, I knew my leader, being the maknae somewhere could seriously tempt him.

“What party is he talking about, hyung?” I asked

“Wh-What? Yah, don’t peek into other people’s conversations Dongwoo!” he nagged while cradling the phone against his chest.

“But hyung won’t tell me!” I complained.

“What is it that you want to know so much?” he asked, 20% whining, 80% annoyed.

“Who is it?” I leaned closer again, practically pushing myself into his seat over the armrest.

“Just a hyung, ok?”

“Ok” I gave in “But are you going to that party?”

“I don’t know” there was the tiniest pout in his mouth.

“Why?”

“It’s soon after we go back home, after we finish the tour”

“So? We’re about to have our last concerts, we’ll be home soon, right?”

“Yes, but we’ll be beaten, Dongwoo, I don’t know if I’ll be in the mood for partying at all“

I waited for a moment, but he didn’t add anything else “That’s it?”

“What?” he blinked at me confused.

“I thought you were going to say something like it wasn’t appropriate, or there was no time, or it wasn’t a good idea, or we had more important things to do than waste time and energy in going-“

“Ok, ok, enough! I get it, I shouldn’t go” I swear he was sulking now, and I couldn’t help but laugh yet again.

“What? No, hyung, you should totally go if you want to! I was just saying what it would be usual for you to say, you never want to go to any party after all. This is a rarity!”

“You think?”

“What, that it’s a rarity or that you should go?”

“Dongwoo…” he pushed at my arm softly.

“Ok, ok, yes to both” I chuckled “I think you could use a little fun and, I don’t know, catharsis? It’d do you good, you’ve been really stressed out lately hyung” I added, my smile shrinking back into a serious expression.

“Mh… Maybe you’re right”

“But wait!”

“What?”

“Do you know this hyung?”

“Well, yes… I mean we’re not that close but-“

“Do you trust him?”

I got silence as an answer for a few seconds.

“I… I guess, why?”

“Just trying to be sure. You’ll be going to a party and he’ll be the only one you know, right? Besides that you’re going to be the youngest among everyone”

“Well, yes, that’s the other thing that bothers me” he mumbled, staring at his phone again.

“As long as he is a trustworthy hyung then you should go with him” I patted his shoulder.

“Yes, he’s a good guy”

“You sure?”

“What is it Dongwoo?” he laughed softly “Are you that worried about me?”

“Well yes” I answered matter-of-factly. He chuckled and ruffled my hair.

“It’s ok my Dinowoo~ He’s a really good hyung, you don’t need to worry”

“Ok” I smiled back “But just in case, you can call me if anything-“

“I know, I’ll let you know if I need anything”

“Ok~”

I settled back into my seat and he started typing into his phone again, a little smile on his face. I really hoped this hyung of his was a good dude and he better take care of _my_ hyung. I felt a stare poking around me, and found Woohyun looking at Sunggyu intently, a scowl planted on his forehead. I was about to ask what was wrong when he caught my eyes and immediately returned his attention to his paused game.

_Well, ok then_

I shrugged as I put my headphones on again, the music still playing, and my legs started bouncing automatically. I could really use a little nap, the tour was eating our energy away, but the excitement we had made up for it. I felt my eyelids heavy and let my eyes close, resting my head back against the seat.

_I’m tiiiired~_

 

 

* * *

 

**[two weeks later]**

The guy dropped to the ground in a heap of lax limbs. I walked closer to him, looked closely to make sure he was dead, and then searched into his clothes for something useful. I found nothing, so I kicked the body in frustration.

“Useless bastard” I mumbled as I neared the dark corridor my partner had gone into

“Hurry up!” he ushered, the slender silhouette guiding me through the narrow paths.

“I’m right behind you”

“But not close enough, what if someone-?“

A dark figure jumped from the side and tackled my partner to the floor.

“Jumped you?” I provided amused.

“Yah! Move your ass and help me, dammit! I can’t shake him off!”

“Coming…” I mumbled.

I reached the two and pointed my weapon.

“Come on!” he pressed.

I shot one, two and three times before the attacker fell motionless to the dark floor. My partner started standing up.

“Damn little bastards… What the…?!” he looked at me with big eyes and a gaping mouth.

“What?” I blinked.

“You shot me!”

I checked his state and, yes, I had shot him. There was no way hiding it, my shots had residual damage and it _showed_.

“Well, I _tried_ to aim but you wanted me to hurry so…”

“You could have kicked him!”

“Just fix it before it gets worse”

“Ah, I can’t believe you!” he protested as he fixed the damage with quick, overly-practiced moves “It’s the last time I let you have that thing”

“What? Why? I like it”

“Yeah, but you don’t know how to use it”

“You pushed me, I was handling it perfectly well until now”

“Excuses”

“You let yourself get tackled in the first place” I retorted.

“Well, if you had been closer…”

“What? He wouldn’t have jumped you?”

“Just shut up. You are not getting that weapon again”

“But _I_ found it!”

“You took it from the guy _I_ killed at the forest”

“It’s not my fault you didn’t check his stuff” I shrugged.

“I was _going to_ , but you just love stealing from the dead”

“Well, yeah, free stuff, what else do you want?”

“Jesus” a deep voice interrupted us, and we looked behind us to find Woohyun in the entrance of the kitchen “If someone heard you now they’d think you’re psychopaths or something. Drop that damn game for a second, would you? Have mercy on the rest of us”

“We’re secret agents hyung, there’s no place for mercy in the pursuit of our mission” I answered solemnly, to what he scoffed amused.

“It’s all for a greater good” Sungyeol added from my side, and I nodded in agreement.

“Ok, whatever, just don’t start yelling like last time or _you’ll_ manage the neighbors this time” he pointed at us with the bottle in his hand.

“Yes, hyung” we answered in unison. He shook his head with a click of his tongue and left to his room.

We waited until his door clicked closed.

“Well, could’ve been worse” my hyung commented turning to me before we returned to our game.

“What? Woohyun hyung?”

“Yeah, like last night”

“Oh right, the flying shoe”

“Yes, the flying shoe” he nodded.

“He’s been a little moody lately, hasn’t he?”

“ _A little moody_?” Sungyeol raised an eyebrow in amusement “He’s been bitching about everything”

“Maybe he’s tired”

“We all are, and now we’re taking a break anyway. He’s just sulking because Sunggyu hyung is not paying attention to him as much as before”

“Oh, yeah, that too”

“Didn’t you see how he almost chains him to the table today?”

“Yeah” I shook my head slowly “I don’t see what’s so bad about hyung going to a party”

“Nothing, just that it’s not usual and Woohyun doesn’t like unusual things between them”

“And the fact that he didn’t know about it”

“Yup… Catch that thing!” he pointed to the screen on my side “... Good. Now we need to solve this little thing…”

“We need the password…” I looked at him and he blinked back at me.

“What?”

“You had it”

“No, _you_ had it. I told you to write it down”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you! Damn you and your spacing out Myung” he groaned.

“It’s ok, Sunggyu hyung knows it, he solved this thing before”

“Yeah, but he’s at the party now, remember?”

“We can call him”

“But it’s 2 in the morning” he commented watching at his phone.

“Oh, yeah, he won’t like that we’re still up-“

“What? No, we are free tomorrow, he gave us permission to stay up late…” he paused “Gosh, that sounds so sad”

“Yeah. But what’s the matter then?”

“Well, it’s kinda late, who knows maybe he’s already smashed or something”

“Sunggyu hyung? Smashed?” I laughed at that.

“What? I bet he is. Do you think he doesn’t drink?” I shrugged in response “Or maybe-Oh no, wait, what if we _interrupt_ him?” he turned to me with big owlish eyes.

“Interrupt him?” he nodded, making a ‘you-know-what-I-mean’ gesture “You mean as in…” he nodded again.

We looked at each other for a moment, silent questions going back and forth between us.

“Nah, he wouldn’t…” I started, but then recoiled “Do you think he would?”

“Well, he’s an idol, I bet the girls would be after him”

“Weren’t there a lot of idols or famous dudes where he was going?”

“Yeah, but he’s got his way into people”

“But I don’t think he would _try_ to…”

“Why not? He’s been stressed out and really tired. It would be a way to release some pressure”

“Hmm, I guess”

We looked back at the screen of the TV, where we could see out two characters still waiting for us to do something. A minute or so went by before I took the phone from the floor and unlocked it.

“What are you doing?” Sungyeol asked me.

“I’m calling him. I want to pass this level”

“He’ll get pissed”

“No he won’t, I’m his favorite donsaeng” I smiled cheekily at him.

“Yah, no, you’re not” he pushed my shoulder lightly.

“Yes I am” I retorted as I put the phone on speaker between us so we could both listen.

“Has he told you so?”

“No, but I know it-“

“ _Hello~_ ” Sunggyu’s voice came out between a symphony of trashy sounds.

“Sunggyu hyung?”

“ _Myung!_ ” he giggled, and I exchanged a look with Sungyeol “ _My favorite donsaeng!_ ”

“Ha!” I couldn’t help but burst out in laughter as I pointed to a very affronted Sungyeol.

“Yah! This doesn’t count!”

“Why not? He just said it”

“Yeah? Watch this…” he turned to the phone “Sunggyu hyung~ I’m here too”

“ _Oh, hi Yeollie! What do my favorite kids want?_ ”

I was torn between feeling betrayed and amused.

“Hyung, do you remember the game you finished yesterday?” Sungyeol asked.

“ _What game?_ ”

“The one Woohyun hyung almost threw out of the window” I provided.

“… _Oh, yes that one. What about it?_ ” A loud chorus of amused male voices exploded from the other side of the line, and we heard Sunggyu laughing while yelling something too.

“Uh, hyung?” I called him doubtfully.

“ _Yes!_ ”

“Do you, by any chance, remember the password for the safe in the main building of the corporation?”

“ _Uhh… The what?_ ”

“Right after the forest” Sungyeol piped in.

“ _The forest… After the for- Oh, yes! The building!_ ” Someone called his name, and some muffled voices joined soon after “ _What?_ ” his voice sounded further away, I guess he had turned from the phone.

“I told you he’d be smashed” Sungyeol whispered.

“He’s not _smashed”_ I whispered back “He’s just… a little… Cheery?”

“Yeah, whatever, at least he’s not mad”

“At least we didn’t caught him doing the nasty-”

“ _May the doom govern your days!!_ ” Sunggyu’s voice blasted from the phone, startling me to the point of dropping it to the floor.   

“W-what? Sunggyu hyung, we didn’t mean it in a bad way!” Sungyeol screeched.

“Yes, hyung, don’t be mad!” I assisted him, picking up the phone.

“ _What?_ ” his voice was back to the cheery, almost bubbly tone, and a flow of giggles reached us “ _No, silly dongsaengs! That was the password!_ ”

“Oh… Oh, the password, yes!” Sungyeol scrambled to the table to get a little notepad and a pencil to write down the code “Right, thank you hyung!”

“Say, hyung…” I poked softly, gaining a loud hum in answer “Are you, by any chance…?” I looked up to Sungyeol, who gave me a questioning look “… I mean, perhaps, a little, tiny bit… drunk?”

“ _Yah, Kim Myungsoo, what are you saying?_ ” his tone dropped alarmingly and the man beside me started shaking his head and hands.

“Nothing, hyung, he’s just playing around!” he tried to amend, leaning impossibly close to the speaker of the phone.

“Yeah, just joking hyung~” I used my cutest tone.

“ _Oh… Ok, then-_ “

“ _Gyu-ah!_ ” a second voice intruded the conversation from the other side of the line. I couldn’t place it though. “ _Come one, the guys are about to start the game_ ” it sounded closer now.

“ _What? Wait, I want to join!_ ”

“ _You sure? Maybe you should just watch, you’ve had enough-_ ” a little closer.

“ _No, I want to play too!_ ” Sunggyu whined childishly, to what Sungyeol and I exchanged surprised looks.

“ _Well, ok, but you’ll take it easy, alright? I need to talk to you for a minute before though_ ”

“ _Now? They’re going to start without us_ ”

“ _It’s ok-_ “

“ _No, let’s talk later, I want to play!_ ”

“ _Sunggy-_ “

“ _Please hyung~_ ” again the cutesy voice and I swear I got goosebumps, though I’m not sure if the bad kind at all “ _We’ll talk all you want after the game, ok?_ ”

There was a little moment of quietness, and then the second voice surged again.

“ _Ok, but you better be sober enough to listen to me_ ” he warned “ _You’re lucky I’m in a good mood_ ” it added in a more playful tone, which was rewarded with Sunggyu’s cheery laugh.

“U-um… Hyung?” I butted in “We’re still here”

“ _Oh, yes! Hyung, say hi to my dongsaengs!_ ” his voice faded a little.

“ _Hi Sunggyu’s dongsaengs_ ” the stranger’s voice offered loud and clear “ _Don’t worry about that just now, I’m taking care of your hyung_ ” his tone was laced with something that sounded like amusement.

“Ok…”

“You better!” Sungyeol blurted suddenly “I don’t want a drunken hyung here tomorrow-“

“Yah! Yeol hyung!” I stoped him.

“What?”

“ _What did you just say?_ ” Sunggyu’s voice again.

“Nothing hyung! We’re letting you go play, ok?”

“ _Right! The game_ ”

“Yes… Uh, Hyung, take care ok? We still need you back here”

“Yes, try to stay conscious at least-“

“Sungyeol!”

“ _It’s ok guys, no need to worry. I’ll see you later, don’t spend the night up!_ ” he said, still in his happy persona.

“Bye!” we both said to him before the connection was cut.

We didn’t say anything for a while, just looking at the phone in my hand. I was still trying to decide what to feel about the call. Should I be amused? Worried? Suspicious?

“Well,” Sungyeol sighed, stretching his back and taking the game controls again “He’s having fun at least”

“Yeah, I guess”

“Let’s get this done then!”

We returned to our game, though my mind was still wandering through the conversation we had, the worry slightly starting to surpass the other feelings in my head.


	3. Worried dongsaengs

**[the next afternoon]**

“Stupid game, I always lose!” I was muttering under my breath as I approached the closed door of our room.

I could feel the stares of the rest of the members in my back. I could almost picture them, peaking from the edge of the wall between the living room and the corridors that led to the rooms, snickering over my misfortune. I sighed in frustration; of course it would be me the one to suffer the waking of a wasted leader. Who else?

I knocked softly on the door, not really expecting an answer, but out of sheer formalities, those that Sunggyu loved so much. As predictable, not a sound came out, so I pushed the door open slowly, taking a look inside before sliding in and closing the door again. I could hear the groans of disappointment of the other five. They would be able to hear when he yelled at me anyway.

The room was dark and cold, I had to wait a little until my eyes adjusted to the darkness before start navigating between the beds towards Sunggyu’s sleeping figure. He was out cold, tangled in the sheets with only half of his face visible under the mess of hair. I took a deep breath and readied myself for the task.

“Hyung” I called as softly as I could, but got no answer, so I tried pressing lightly (what I thought was) his shoulder. Still nothing.

I straightened and made to stomp my feet on the ground, halting a few centimeters above the ground to avoid the noise. This was going to end badly, I knew it.

“Hyung?… Sunggyu hyung” I insisted, shaking his arm with utmost care. His eyebrows twitched a little, and I recoiled immediately, only to go back to shake him softly a few seconds of stillness later. “Sunggyu hyung, you need to wake up, it’s 3 in the afternoon already”

A low growl accompanied his slow shifting and turning, until he faced the wall, his back towards me. I groaned and whined, about to drop every hope of surviving this mission.

“Sunggyu hyung” I called louder, patting his back, and earning another growl from him “Come on hyung, you have to wake up” he gave me the same answer, this time more annoyed than sleepy “Please, hyung-” he suddenly turned around and swatted my hand away, and I almost fell to the ground from the startle.

There was some more shifting, and then a long groan.

“What do you want?” he demanded tightly.

“It’s three in the afternoon hyung, won’t you get up?” I asked trying to be as gentle as possible.

“What? Three already?”

“Um, yeah, that’s why-“

“Why didn’t you call me sooner?!” he sat on the bed in a swift move, and bended over while holding his head in his hands right after, a pained sound coming from his mouth.

“Hyung, are you ok?”

“No I’m not” he bit out.

I really didn’t know how to handle him like this.

“Do you want me to bring you a painkiller? Water? Something to eat?” I offered nervously, fearing some kind of angry outburst or even a flying object to my face.

Instead, he simply sighed, his head still hanging on his hands.

“No, just go Sungjong, I’ll be up in a minute”

“O-ok” I made to leave the room, but halted at the door “I’ll tell the guys to be quiet”

His raised his head slowly and looked at me. It surprised me the moment I saw his face, pale, tired, and looking ten times worse that what it looked normally.

“Yes, please. Thanks Jong” he muttered with a little pitiful smile.

I studied his face briefly, not able to shake the feeling that something had gone wrong last night. He looked… sad? Depressed? Just _something_ else besides hangover. But, it was my first time seeing Sunggyu hyung with a hangover, so maybe this is what he looked like.

While I watched him, his eyes closed and a grimace surfaced in his features. I thought he was going to throw up and was about to bolt to the bathroom, when he reopened his eyes, a mixture of too many emotions reflected on his face for me to understand.

“Go Sungjong” his voice was sharp again.

I left the room right after that.

 

* * *

 

**[five days later]**

“Come on guys, hurry up” he pressed, dragging his feet across the floor and waving his hand in a loose gesture to make us move faster. He was already dressed up, baseball cap on his head and the hood of his thick jacket over it, sunglasses in his hands, the black mask hanging from his neck, the bag slung over his shoulder.

“There’s still some breakfast in the kitchen” I offered, seeing that he hadn’t eaten anything and we had a long morning ahead.

He seemed to ponder it for about two or three seconds before shaking his head and insisting on us hurrying up.

In two or three minutes top, we were all ready to go.

In our way to the van, I saw Dongwoo walking closer to him, his always daring hand reaching for his bottom in his usual friendly gesture. Now, what surprised me was not the fact that he would do this without cameras on, it was no secret that our Dinowoo enjoyed physical contact, not even that he enjoyed groping what a regular guy wouldn’t probably grope. What surprised me slightly was the fact that Sunggyu swatted his hand away the very second it came in contact with him. I caught Hoya looking at them too, a little surprised gesture flashing in his face before looking at me and shrugging. Yes, it was also known that Sunggyu wasn’t the biggest fan on touching, but he had always put up with it for the sake of the ‘ _touchiest_ ’ of us and fanservice. If he were to reject it, it would be a soft push, a little pouty denial or something gentle like that, not slapping your hand without batting an eyelash. I even heard the slap from meters behind them.

I neared Dongwoo, who was discretely rubbing the back of his hand with a confused look, and nudged his side before questioning him wordlessly. He simply shrugged and shook his head, a sign that he hadn’t done anything to deserve the harsh rejection. I sighed, a white puff of air forming right in front of my mouth.

_Well then, I guess I’ll have to deal with a moody leader._

Another fact widely known was that it was something like my task to deal with the leader when things got rough on his end. It was a usual occurrence that the glances of the five members would turn to me when he snapped particularly badly or a wave of foul mood overtook him. Dongwoo was our peacemaker, but I was the Sunggyu-expert of the group. ‘ _Woohyun, Sunggyu is moody_ ’ was like my call to work. So this was one of these occasions, I even had the suspicion of what it was about. We all did, but we didn’t think it would last so long.

He sat in the passenger seat, and put his earplugs on, music starting to filter out immediately. The hood over his head was low, his glasses on even after the door was closed. I could see the tension in the rest of the guys, they could notice as well as me when Sunggyu was in a bad mood. It was always an uncomfortable environment, because he was like a ticking bomb, he held it in until suddenly he didn’t anymore, and the person nearest to him would receive the weight of it. It didn’t happen frequently in all honesty, he was always able to put his problems on hold and distance them from the dorm… As long as the problem wasn’t one of us; that was a different story, but even then he held a sense of diplomacy tightly attached to him by his position and responsibility. That was why this kind of situation was rare.

I sat behind him, from where I could see his face in the review mirror, and waited.

During the trip, I could catch some little hints of his bad mood, or actually, _terrible_ would be more fitting for a description. I could see his mouth frowning, his shoulders rise and fall abruptly in sharp huffs and sighs, harsh gestures and grimaces that even hinted some clicking of tongue. At a particular time, I even thought I had seen his mouth straighten and his eyebrows scrunch in a way that implied not an angry frown but more like the attempt of holding in a certain kind of pain that I wasn’t used to see in him.

In short, he seemed to be thinking a lot about whatever bothered his so much.

We made a quick stop to wait for one of our managers to join us. Hoya and Myungsoo were asleep, the rest were rather quiet. I looked to the review mirror again, and saw that Sunggyu had taken his glasses off and was now rubbing furiously at his eyes. I stared at his reflection intently, waiting for him to notice me, and when he blinked his eyes open, he immediately caught me looking. I didn’t have to do much, a little shift of eyebrows sent him the message clearly, but he just brushed it off with a frown. I didn't let go so easily though. I taped his seat with a foot, trying not to touch Hoya’s leg beside me, and brought his attention back to me. I insisted with the question, and he dismissed it again with an annoyed scrunch of his nose. I frowned and swiftly moved my eyes to the back, signaling Dongwoo, who was bobbing his head to the music he was listening to, and knowing that he would get the point. He did, because, his frown softened into a guilty grimace, before shaking his head with a heavy feeling. He looked at me one last time, no longer annoyed or angry, but his eyes were asking me to stop it, I could see the silent plea for me to leave him alone. I didn’t like it, not at all. We had to work things out, whatever was it that was bothering him, he had to let me know, how else would I help him solve it? My worried reluctance showed in my face, for he blinked slowly and scrunched his brow, adding more intensity to his request, transforming the plea into a more pressing need. I didn’t let go of his stare for a while, trying to make him understand that this wasn’t over, before I relaxed my frown into a slightly worried scowl and barely nodded.

I wouldn’t let this slip, I had done so for long enough. I tried my best to let my discomfort pass through and put my thoughts into place. Our leader was distraught, so I would have to row harder from my side to make up for his. That was my job as his right hand, right?

I directed my eyes to the window, swiping the condensation with the sleeve of my coat so I could look outside, to the heavily covered people hurrying to their destination to avoid the sharp cold of winter. A barely audible sigh came from the front of the car as I watched our manager striding his way towards us.

The rest of the ride felt ten times longer that what it should have.

 

* * *

 

**[the next morning]**

The floor of our dorm was rather good for sliding, it made a squeaking sound if you put too much force into it, but beside that, I could improvise some random moves while walking to the kitchen.

I was spinning around and about to enter the living room, when a figure slumped against the wall caught my attention. I halted immediately when I noticed it was Sunggyu. He didn’t seem to notice me luckily, because he would surely nag for a while if he caught me ‘ _scratching the floor_ ’ (I wasn’t, ok? I was in my socks only).

I continued walking silently to the kitchen, but his voice stopped me.

“Dongwoo” he called in a deep, congested voice.

“Mh?” I answered.

“I’m sorry for yesterday” he mumbled.

I looked back at him, trying to read his face, but it didn’t tell much besides that he was still in a foul mood. Actually, he looked a little down.

“It’s ok, hyung, I knew you weren’t in the mood for fooling around”

“No, but still, I was too harsh, I’m sorry”

“Ok” I took a bottle of juice from the refrigerator and exited the kitchen.

I was debating myself between sitting with him and returning to my room, when his phone went off. That was the hint, I guessed, that I should leave him. But as I started walking away, I noticed that the tune kept playing. I glanced back and saw Sunggyu still slumped against the wall, unmoving as a rock, the phone vibrating and singing loudly right beside him.

“Aren’t you going to answer that, hyung?”

“… No”

“Why not?”

He didn’t answer. I continued watching him, until the ringing stopped and I saw his shoulders fall a little. He sighed long and heavy, before looking up towards me.

“What were you doing?”

“Huh? Oh, nothing, just checking some new music”

“Mh” he nodded absentmindedly.

The phone started ringing again, and yet again, he set his eyes on the floor, still as a statue.

“Who is it?” I ventured.

“No one” he replied in a tight voice.

I suddenly felt like going to my room, a little shiver shaking my back. I was aware of the snappy mood hyung had been in lately, he was particularly volatile and absentminded, forgetful and rather unapproachable, lethargic and lacking of appetite. But the most notorious thing was that he was incredibly prone to wild mood swings. Maybe he was calm and peaceful and then snapped at you because you brushed his hand the wrong way; or he was moody and grumpy, and suddenly he sunk in a gloomy depression and distanced himself from the world around him. To put it simply, it was being difficult to handle him these last days, but I knew it had to be something serious that was bothering his so much, or he’d never let it get to the rest of us like this.

With this last thought in my head, I walked towards him and sat down.

“Is it the same _no one_ that kept you attached to the phone for the last months?”

His breath hitched a little, and so did mine, but then he threw his head back, lightly hitting the wall behind him, just as the phone quieted down again.

“Yeah, the same”

“Why won’t you pick up then?” he didn’t answer “Did you have a fight or something?”

“No, we didn’t… fight”

“Then what happened?” I tried softly.

I didn’t know if he was going to answer at all… And he didn’t, for a long while. That’s why his reluctant voice caught me by surprise.

“We didn’t fight” he repeated “I guess we had a disagreement”

“How bad was it?”

“I don’t know” he sighed.

“It looks pretty bad to me. Is it the reason you’ve been down lately?”

“I guess”

I patted his leg softly, and he let me, surprisingly. I offered a smile when he turned to me. He returned it, but it was lacking sincerity. It was a sad sight, honestly.

“Would you like to talk about it with me?”

“Hmm… No” he shook his head and looked at his knees. After a second, he pushed my hand off his leg softly, as if not wanting me to notice “It’s not-“ the sound of a new message broke in and he flinched at it. He dropped his eyes to the floor and didn’t move for a few seconds, then continued “It’s not that I don’t want to talk with you, Woo… I just don’t think it’d help to talk at all. It’s not something you should bother yourself with, it’s… complicated”

I nodded, even if he wasn’t looking at me. We fell into silence, a heavy one, broken only by another new message.

“Hyung” he hummed “Did this hyung do something bad?”

He looked at me with mild surprise in his eyes, and blinked a few times before answering in an unsure voice “No, he didn’t do anything _bad_ …”

“Is he still a good guy?”

He seemed to think about it for a little while “Yeah, he’s still a good guy”

“Then why don’t you talk things out with him?”

“I don’t think I can Dongwoo… “

“You can’t keep brooding like this hyung” I pushed, trying to soften my tone. “You’re worrying us. Woohyun is going nuts over it, and the kids keep walking on his toes around you”

“I know, I’m sorry-“

“Don’t be sorry hyung, it won’t do you any good to feel guilty over it if you’re not trying to solve it” I surprised myself with the light reprimand.

“I know” his voice faded back into his throat, and I felt a little bad for him.

“I wish I could help you hyung, but if you don’t let us, then only you can solve this”

He raised his knees and hugged them, burying his face in his arms. I dared a soft pat on his back before standing up and slowly making my way to my room.

I could hear another new message just before I closed the door.

 

* * *

 

**[late afternoon]**

I came back to the dorm to find a sulking Woohyun angrily devouring a cereal bar while sitting on the table.

“What did the poor thing do?” I asked with a sad look to the food in his hand.

“Shut up Howon” he muttered darkly.

“Well, seems like Sunggyu hyung is not the only one in a foul mood”

“Ugh, shut it already. Don’t mention him”

“Did he reject you again?”

“Really, don’t you have anything better to do than bothering me?” he snapped.

“Not really, but that’s not the point. You know, this is really getting to my nerves already” I said, dropping the playful tone.

“To _your_ nerves? Really?”

“Yeah, _my_ nerves” I snapped back “First you sulk, then he sulks, and now you both sulk together. What the heck is wrong with you two?”

“Why don’t you go ask him? He’s not telling me!”

“Is that what bothers you so much? That he won’t tell you what bothers _him_?”

“Do you think is not enough?” he jumped down from the table and threw the remaining piece of food to the trash can with more force than needed “First he ignores everyone in favor of his damn phone, then he goes to a damn party with a lot of unknown people and comes back completely wasted at 9 in the morning, and now he acts like a walking dead and keeps ignoring everyone! And when I try to help him with what the fuck ever is going in his head, he brushes me off like a damn fly! Am I not supposed to be angry?”

“Ok, calm down!” I raised my hands in an attempt of avoiding him throwing something at me (like last time’s shoe) “Why don’t you let him be-?”

“Let him be? Are you kidding me, Howon? What am I supposed to sit here and watch how he drags us down-?”

“Ok, stop right there!” I cut him off, our voices increasing their volume gradually “First off, don’t take it all on me, alright? And second, if he doesn’t want to tell you, then lay off a bit, ok? Maybe it’s something you can’t do anything about, a personal matter”

“There’s no ‘ _personal matter_ ’ here! He has a problem, we solve it together, that’s how we fucking work!” he almost yelled, his hand slamming against the table.

Three seconds of tense silence and his heavy breathing went by.

“Calm - the fuck - down, Woohyun” I said between my teeth, my own voice tense. I waited another moment to see if he’d burst out again, but he seemed to be cooling off.

With a final groan, he let himself fall into the chair, a hand angrily ruffling his hair. I would be lying if I said that it didn’t worry me how he was reacting, both of them, but it would do no good to run away with my tail between my legs now. Woohyun needed to cool his head before he prodded too much where he shouldn’t.

“I get that you’re not used to him not sharing with you, but you need to accept that he can chose not to if he wants to” I started, trying to tame my voice as much as I could. The only response I received was a huff “If you keep pestering him, he’ll end up snapping at you, or any of us for that matter. We know how nasty a fight between you two can be, we’ve been there, remember?”

“It’s not the same, we hated each other’s guts back then”

“And now you’re on the other side of the line, you rely too much on each other, hyung”

“And why is that a bad thing?” he started sounding annoyed again.

“Because…” I struggled for a way to say it without having him go ballistic on me “You’re too used to him depending on your help and accepting you opinion-”

“We help each other, Howon, don’t make it sound like I manipulate him-“

“I’m not saying that!”

“That’s how it sounds”

“It’s not what I mean!”

“Then what do you mean?!”

“You’re jealous, Woohyun, that’s what I mean!”

He fell quiet, looking at me as if I’d grown another head, and the he scoffed “What?”

“Admit it, you’re pissed off because he’s been paying attention to someone else more than to you, because he doesn’t share everything with you and because even now that he’s been ignoring his phone he still won’t go to you for help”

“You’re ridiculous Howon” he grunted as he left the kitchen with angry steps.

I sighed and leaned into the wall, rubbing my temples with the heel of my hands.

_These two are consuming my patience_

 

* * *

 

**[that night]**

The stupid little fucker kept missing the jump, really, I would press a hole into the control if it’d make any difference.

“Can I try hyung?” Sungjong piped up from behind.

“Ugh, whatever, it seems it won’t let me” I grumbled as I passed the control to him.

He fiddled a little with the commands for a while before starting to try making the jump.

“Gave up already hyung?” Myngsoo’s amused voice reached me from the couch.

“It’s impossible! I don’t know how I am supposed to reach the other side, if it’s not jumping then maybe I missed a hidden path some-“

“I did it!” Sungjong cheered.

“What?! No, no you didn’t!”

“Yes, look, hyung”

He had done it, the little brat took the game for less than a minute and pulled off the damn jump I had been struggling with for the last half an hour. I fell back to the floor in a long groan of smashed pride.

“Come on, Yeol hyung, now you can continue” the kid offered, placing the control on my lap and standing up. “I’m hungry”

“Yeah, me too” Myungsoo agreed “Wasn’t Woohyun hyung going to cook dinner? Like,” he looked to the clock on the wall “two hours ago?”

“Yeah, but he had another fight with Hoya hyung and left to his room”

“Oh”

“These irresponsible hyungs, they don’t care if their cute dongsaengs starve” I complained, adding a little sob for dramatic effect.

“Why don’t you cook something then?” Myungsoo nudged me with a foot.

“What? Why me?” I raised my head from the floor.

“You’re the hyung here” he shrugged.

“What about Sunggyu and Woohyun hyungs?”

“Will you go fetch them?” he nodded in the direction of the rooms.

“Uh, no, better not”

“Well then…”

“Hoya hyung? Dongwoo hyung?”

“They left to the dance studio” Sungjong provided, having taken the game control again.

“Ugh, damn responsibilities” I grumbled, standing up and walking to the kitchen “You better be ok with ramyun”

“Sure, hyung!” they both called from the living room.

I started boiling the water and taking the bowls from the cupboard. I could hear Myungsoo giving directions to Sungjong as the maknae tried to play the game. Some minutes later, a door opened and the rustle of steps reached the kitchen, revealing a grumpy looking Woohyun in the entrance.

“Are you making dinner?”

“Well, we were kind of hungry and we didn’t want to bother you so…”

“Oh, yeah, ok. Is that done already?” he scratched the back of his head.

“Yup, almost. I made enough for all of us if you want”

“Sure… “ he seemed to ponder over something “I’ll… I’ll call Sunggyu, he didn’t have lunch…” he said as he turned around.

“Ok?”

As he walked out, Myungsoo entered the kitchen “He got up?” he asked, following Woohyun with his eyes.

“Yeah, he’ll be eating too”

“Where is he going then?”

“To call Sunggyu hyung…”

“Do you think it’s a good idea?”

“Why?”

“Sunggyu hyung has been spacing out a lot, and I think he took his phone again today”

“Oh… Oh, ooooh, dammit” I hit my forehead with my hand.

As if on cue, the voice of Woohyun suddenly boomed through the corridor “ _Yah, I’m talking to you, dammit!_ ”

“Oh, crap” I mumbled as I resigned myself to endure what was to come.

I let everything ready as I walked out with Myungsoo. Sungjong was curiously looking away from the screen and towards the entrance of the corridor, from where the muffled voice of Sunggyu could be heard, immediately followed by Woohyun’s angrier one.

“Are they fighting again?” Sungjong sighed.

“God, should we leave them to kill each other and eat out?” I offered.

“Tempting, but I think they might seriously end up bad” Myungsoo commented.

“Yeah, things have been-“ I was interrupted by angry stomps and voices approaching.

“So that’s it? You are back to ignoring everyone because of that thing?” Woohyun barked, following Sunggyu hyung closely as the latter appeared.

“Could you drop it already, Woohyun, I’m not ignoring you!”

“No, sure you’re not, that’s why I had to practically yell at you for you to notice me just now, right?”

“I was distracted, alright?”

“You are always distracted, always spacing out, always sulking, always looking like a fucking corpse or stuck to the screen of the fucking phone!”

“I’m not!” Sunggyu turned to face Woohyun

“Then why do you have it with you now, huh?”

“Because I want to! I do what I want with it!”

I stayed rooted in my place, both Myungsoo and Sungjong nearing me slowly, all of us clueless about what to do now, and definitely uncomfortable with the atmosphere.

“You know I’d rather have you sulking around, at least you noticed the people around you!”

“Drop it already! I don’t say anything when _you_ plaster your face to the phone or the laptop and spend hours chatting with whoever you feel like!”

“It’s not the same! I socialize with people, ok? You’re obsessed with that new girlfriend or whatever you found yourself recently!”

“It’s not- I’m not- It’s not like that!” Sunggyu stammered.

“Oh, right it’s not, then who is it? Your mom? Don’t try to step over me Kim Sunggyu, I know you too well for that-!”

“No, I think you don’t know me at all!”

“Yes I do! So tell me who is it! From the staff?! Another idol?! A fan?! Tell me!”

“Wha-? No one, and even if it were, it’s my fucking business!”

“No it’s not! Not if you start acting irresponsibly and mixing you priorities!”

“I’m not being irresponsible! You know I put the group first-!”

“Stop lying!”

“I’m not irresponsible and don’t fucking call me a liar Nam!” he yelled his throat raw, his face turning a little red by now. I didn’t know what to do, and my two dongsaens looked even more shocked. The two men were already yelling at the top of their lungs.

“Then tell me the truth! Who is it that you’re seeing?!”

“No one, Woohyun!”

“Then why the fuck do you keep sticking your face to the phone 24/7, or brooding and sulking and treating everyone like shit because you’re not in the mood to be civil!”

“I don’t-!“

“Yes you do! And you don’t even have the-“ the phone went off, and I could feel the incoming hell “Turn that fucking piece of shit off!! I’m sick of it!!” Woohyun lunged forward and tried to take the device from the leader’s hands, but Sunggyu avoided him.

“What is _wrong_ with you?! You’re the only one reacting like this!”

“It’s because I’m the only one who thinks straight here! You can’t have a fucking relationship if it’s going to suck you attention from the group-!!”

“I told you, it’s not-!”

“-So turn off that thing or tell your little bitch out there to back the fuck off and stop pestering us with the damn calls!!”

There were three loud gasps coming from us, right before Sunggyu exploded.

“Is this what bothers you so much Woohyun?!” he shook the phone, still ringing loudly, in his hand “Is it?! Will you stop bothering me if you don’t see it?! Is that what you want?!” he raised the phone high and then smashed it to the ground. I flinched and backed off, feeling the tension snap between them “There!! Gone!! Are you fucking happy now?! Will you get off my fucking back?!!”

The dorm suddenly drowned in the deadliest of silences, the only sound were the heavy breathing of both our hyungs. Woohyun was staring at Sunggyu half in shock and half in anger, while Sunggyu himself was still fuming and trembling with withheld rage.

I didn’t dare to move, I could barely breathe. Slight movement caught my attention and I found that Hoya and Dongwoo were there too, eyes wide and bodies paralyzed by the entrance. No one moved from their spots, as if afraid the two confronted men would jump to their throats if they did. A bunch of seconds stretched for an eternity, until Dongwoo mustered the courage to break the frozen atmosphere.

“H-hyung-“ he started, but wasn’t able to finish, as Sunggyu hyung suddenly kicked his crashed phone towards Woohyun and stomped away.

“There you have it” he spat with a voice tense and barely controlled, vibrating notoriously with raw emotions that went beyond anger.

He took his jacket and put his shoes, we could only watch in complete astonishment as he hurriedly ran away from our stares.

The moment the door slammed closed, we all flinched, even Woohyun, and slipped again into the tight silence.

I ventured a look to my side, Sungjong was holding onto Myungsoo’s sleeve, and both were staring at the door with wide eyes. Dongwoo was looking into space, seemingly still processing what had just happened. Hoya was glaring at Woohyun, but the intensity of his look was subdued by the remaining shock. Finally, Woohyun stood frozen in his spot, staring at the smashed phone on the floor, his hands fisted at his sides and his mouth pressed into a tight line.

One by one, we began freeing ourselves from our rigid astonishment and started flowing towards our rooms, dinner long forgotten. Dongwoo had made the attempt to follow Sunggyu out, buy Hoya stopped him by the arm and shook his head slowly.

I was the last to leave, Woohyun still standing in the same place, his frown now twisted into a sad grimace.

I closed the door softly, and a last shudder ran down my spine as the click of the lock muffled the sound of a body sinking to the floor.

 

* * *

 

**[next morning]**

I barely slept that night. I couldn’t help but to glance to Sunggyu’s bed every two minutes.

_Where did he go? Where is he now? He’ll be back any time soon, right?_

I could hear the rustle of sheets as Sungjong turned around over and over again. But the rest was silence. I don’t know how many times I checked the time, but I grew more worried and restless each time, my uneasiness battling with my sleepy brain.

23:45

00:13

00:26

00:57

01:02

01:31

…

03:49

…

08:59

That’s when I woke up, still feeling uncomfortable in my own room.

The rest of the dorm was peaceful; Sungyeol seemed to be sleeping still, Hoya and Dongwoo were in the kitchen, a mug in hand and a frown in their faces. Sungjong had woken up with me, but he was still in bed.

Woohyun’s room was empty.

“Hyungs” I greeted the duo in the kitchen.

“Hey Myung” Dongwoo mumbled back.

I took a mug and filled it with the coffee already made “Did Sunggyu hyung come back?”

“No.”

I felt a knot in my stomach. The mug in my hand settled back on the counter “Do we know where he is?”

“No.”

“Did he contact anyone?”

“No.”

I took a deep breath and leaned against the table.

“Is anyone looking for him?”

Hoya set his coffee down and rubbed his face with his hands “Manager Hyoan is looking for him”

Dongwoo looked at him, and they stared at each other for a while, before the older turned to me “Woohyun is looking for him too”

“Woohyun?” he nodded, while Hoya opted for glaring at his mug “When did he leave?”

“I don’t know, when I woke up he was already gone”

“When did you wake up?”

“At 7 or so”

“Has _he_ contacted anyone?”

“No, and he won’t pick up his phone either, but he told the managers about Sunggyu”

I ruffled my hair violently and started pacing.

“Don’t worry Myung” Dongwoo reassured “they’re both big enough to take care of themselves”

I sighed and looked at them, I knew Dongwoo didn’t believe his own words, nor did Hoya. Yes they were old enough, they were responsible hyungs and smart enough to stay out of trouble, but that didn’t exactly work that well when they were as overly-emotional as they were last time I saw them.

“Is hyung back?” Sungjong’s voice, laced with sleep and worry, had the three of us turning towards the door. We all shook our heads in response and he sighed “Stupid Woohyun hyung!” he complained.

“No, Jong” Dongwoo shook his head softly, to what Hoya clicked his tongue “ _Yes_ , “he added pointedly looking at the other rapper “he _was_ acting like the rash idiot he tends to be when he gets mad at hyung, but it was going to happen sooner or later”

“Well, yes, he has been annoyed with this since months ago” I agreed.

“No, I don’t mean Woohyun, _Sunggyu_ was bound to go off at some point” he corrected. The three of us stared at him in question. “I understand where Woohyun was coming from yesterday, even if he handled it badly. Haven’t you noticed? Hyung has been acting really edgy, thinking too hard over who knows what, looking depressed and without energy, he wouldn’t let us hug him or even touch him, he slapped my hand away when I tried to touch him, and I mean slapped _hard_ , it hurt and it left my hand red for a while after, you know? He looked angry even. And the time when Woohyun tried to rest his head on his shoulder? He almost threw him off the couch.”

“Yeah, he’s been grumpy” Hoya granted “And” he added, his posture straightening as his face woke up with the sense of an incoming discovering “he had been ignoring the calls and messages. I mean, not all of them, the managers call him and we do too and he wouldn’t ignore us, but there were a few times when he’d look at caller id and then throw the phone away. He would look angry at first, but then he looked sad again”

Dongwoo was nodding in silent agreement while Sungjong and I simply stared at them absorbing the information. I had seen him acting weird and moody, and I noticed he wasn’t as concerned with his phone as before, but I failed to make the connection. At first I had thought it had been something from that party he went to, but, as days dragged his foul mood on, the possibility stopped being so plausible. I thought it had to be something else.

“It all started after the party, didn’t it?” I tried to put my contribution.

“Yeah, there’s when it started” the older rapper nodded. “And he told me that he had a disagreement of some kind with this hyung of his, the one that convinced him to go”

“We called him during that time, and we heard him talking with this hyung” I remembered, pulling the attention of everyone towards me “They seemed pretty ok then, joking around and all”

“Well, something must have happened after that”

“Wait… So this hyung was the person he kept talking and messaging so much with the last months?” Hoya ventured. Dongwoo seemed to think over it a second before nodding, I followed soon after. “Ah, I really thought it was a girl” he shook his head.

“Why?” Dongwoo asked curious.

“Well, he looked all happy when chatting and he would always bolt to the phone when it rang, and then after the party he was angry and depressed… I thought we were discovering a hidden girlfriend” he shrugged.

“You’re so simple minded sometimes Hoya” Dongwoo said good naturedly, but still earning a glare from the other guy “You know how hyung enjoys being taken care of for a change, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah…”

“That’s true” I said “He always complains about not having a hyung in the group when we’re being too annoying”

“Exactly, so it’s only obvious that he would be happy to suddenly have a hyung, especially if he pampered him, and I suspect he did”

“Yeah, I remember him concerned about how much Sunggyu hyung had drank during the night and telling him not to overdo it, and then telling Sungyeol hyung and me that he was taking care of him”

“Well, Sunggyu hyung evidently didn’t listen to the first part, did he?” Hoya remarked.

“Yeah… Wait, do you think that was the reason he had the disagreement?” I tried.

“Nah” Dongwoo dismissed it “he wouldn’t be so distraught by something like that. When I talked to him he told me it wasn’t something he could talk about easily”

“That bad?”

“It seemed like it. But then it looked like he started talking to the guy again” he sounded at a loss.

“Maybe the issue wasn’t over yet, maybe they were still _disagreeing_ ” Hoya offered.

“Yeah, you might be right”

We fell into a lazy pause, the coffee already cold and abandoned in the mugs.

“Who is that hyung anyway?” Hoya voiced out.

“Maybe a sunbae?”

A little gasp startled us, and we were reminded that Sungjong was there with us. He had been quiet as a grave, leaning against the wall. He looked at us with big eyes “I think I know where he knows him from” he said “Remember that time when we couldn’t find him and we searched for him after our performance? During our last comeback.”

“I think, yes”

“That I found him talking with someone” we nodded “I think that was _him_. He was definitely his sunbae and hyung, and he kept trying to make Sunggyu hyung tell him what was bothering him and if he was doing ok… And then, before we left, I bet they exchanged phone numbers” he nodded, agreeing with his own theory.

“So we know it’s a hyung and sunbae that he met during promotions” Hoya summed up. But any other approach was cut off as Dongwoo’s phone started vibrating.

He grabbed the thing and checked the ID before picking up “Hyoan hyung?... No, he didn’t… Really? Where?” his eyes widened in anticipation, but then his face fell. We all inched closer to him “What?” he asked with a tiny voice. “W-what happened?... … Is he ok?... … Ok… Ok, I’ll tell them… Yes… … Yes, hyung, bye”

“What? What is it?” Hoya was asking the moment the call ended.

“Woohyun found Sunggyu hyung” he said, his stare still fixed on his phone.

“And?” I pressed.

“Jungryul hyung is picking us up in half an hour to go to the hospital”

“What? Why? Who is in the hospital?”

“Sunggyu hyung”

“What happened?!”

“I don’t know, Hyoan hyung didn’t tell me”

The clock ticked heavily a few times before Hoya spoke.

“We should get ready… Sungyeol-“

“I’m here” a deep drowsy voice cut him off, revealing a grim faced Sungyeol standing at the door.

“Did you hear?”

“Yeah”

“Ok then, come on!” he ushered as he left the kitchen, followed by the maknae and Sungyeol.

Dongwoo was still watching his phone, an absent look on his face. I reached for his shoulder and squeezed lightly.

“Hyung…” he looked at me “We should get ready”

He nodded and left the kitchen, with me following behind.


	4. Prying dongsaengs

**[that same afternoon]**

I opened the thin curtains to let the sun in a little more. The glass of the window was freezing cold and smudged with condensation, but the warmth still filtered in pleasantly. I turned and moved towards the bed, unfolding the thick blanket at the edge and spreading it over Sunggyu up to his chin. He made a face, but I gave him a stern look in answer before tightening the blanket around him. With a last pat I retreated back, nodding in approval of my work.

“It’s hot Dongwoo” he complained in a strained voice.

“No it’s not, hyung, it’s freezing cold, you have a fever and you need to be warm”

He only whined back, turning to the man beside him. I knew he was about to pester him to aid him, but he recoiled at the last second. Woohyun noticed that, and smiled at him.

“Please hyung, bear with it a little” he said, his voice tired and thin.

Sunggyu stared at him long and hard, before sighing and nodding. They settled in silence again, completely at ease with each other. I smiled relieved and made to leave, looking at them from the door before closing it.

“Is he better?” Hoya’s voice reached me from the side.

“Yeah, all whinny and normal feverish Sunggyu hyung” I smiled.

“Aish, I swear I’d smack his stubborn head if he wasn’t sick”

“Well, yeah, running in the middle of a winter night so lightly dressed and spending the night at some random park, really what was he thinking?” Sungjong piped in.

“He wasn’t thinking obviously” Sungyeol provided from one of the chairs at the corridor.

“I really hope he overcomes whatever is messing with his head so much” I sighed “This is turning a serious problem”

The other guys nodded silently.

The hospital was almost empty where we were, practically still and quiet, the corridors were kind of cold, but, luckily, the room where hyung was staying was warmer.

We had arrived in a rush of worried young men with a blast of energy, a sight really, and it all got mixed with frustration and slight anger when we found out that Sunggyu had spent the night probably roaming around, freezing cold and then falling asleep on a bench in a park. He was hidden behind a huge bush, but Woohyun had found him still. I guess to say that he panicked when Sunggyu wouldn’t wake up was an understatement. He had called the managers, at the verge of crying asking them what to do, and then he almost rushed to the hospital himself with hyung in his arms if weren’t for Hyoan hyung being really close to where they were and picking them up. They had a hell of a scolding session, of course; Jungryul hyung warning them to solve whatever was wrong between them or the news would reach the CEO. He made it quick, though, as they were both exhausted and looking really grim and deflated.

So, after being filled in with the information, we entered the room, ready to nag at our hyung and Woohyun for good measure, only to halt abruptly at the sight of the two of them laced in a tight hug. So we subtly made ourselves noticed (Sungyeol screeched in a mixture of joy and annoyance) and then proceeded to scold them lightly, our moods soothed. We were allowed to stay with Sunggyu until further notice, so we had been orbiting around the place until then.

“Is he coming back today?” Sungjong asked after some time.

“I guess” Hoya shrugged “As long as his fever settles down a little. He improved a lot already.”

“Ah, really, to think that he’s the one who takes care of us and now look at him” Sungyeol scratched his head in annoyance.

“You know this wouldn’t have happened normally Yeol” I said “He hit a dead end and lost it, the pressure got the best of him”

“Yeah, I guess between the pent up stress, the exhaustion, the fight… And I think he barely ate anything yesterday, the cold weather only finished it” Hoya agreed.

I groaned, the fleeting sense of relief abandoning me too soon “I wish he would tell us what’s going on in his head” I ran my hand through my hair, tugging lightly.

“Do you think he told Woohyun hyung?” Myungsoo wondered.

“I don’t know” I shrugged “I guess we’ll know soon enough. They seemed pretty calm now, they obviously made up, but I don’t know to what extent”

As I finished saying that, the door opened, and a tired looking Woohyun came out from the room.

“He’s sleepy” he replied to our questioning looks, and closing the door softly.

“Aren’t you? Why don’t you take a nap in there now that you can?” Hoya suggested.

“Yeah, but I’m really hungry. I’ll go fetch something to eat first”

“Oh, wait, I’ll go with you” Sungyeol jumped from his seat and followed him down the corridor.

“Wait, me too” called Hoya as he hurried behind them.

“Well… I guess we could go too…” I said looking at the two youngest.

Sungjong shrugged saying something about bringing something for his hyung, but Myungsoo was staring that slightly disturbing stare of his to somewhere near us. I followed his gaze and spotted a man sitting several meters meters away from us. He was clad in a dark jacket, zipped up to his nose, a cap low on his head and a pair glasses. He was slumped in the chair, his hands in his pockets and a leg jumping impatiently. I looked back at Myungsoo, and eyebrow arched, to find him already staring at me. He signaled the chair to his side and I complied.

“That guy there” he whispered leaning close, Sungjong immediately catching up from his other side and trying to listen too “He’s been here since we arrived”

“Ok, so what?”

“There’s no one in the room in front of him or in the next one” he provided, giving me a significant look.

“He could be waiting for someone, or just roaming around…”

“Dressed like that? Inside the hospital?”

“Well…”

“Wait!” Sungjong’s whisper butted in “Do you think…?” he looked back at the man, then us “Do you think that’s _the hyung_?” he asked, eyes big and shiny with curiosity.

Myungsoo nodded, looking to me and I couldn’t help taking another look to the man. I couldn’t recognize him, but he did look like trying to go unnoticed and hiding his face. Pretty much like an idol… It could be.

“Wait, how would he even know our hyung is here?” I still doubted.

“Well, if he _is_ an idol, then he must have connections… And if I recall correctly and I’m not mistaken, he was probably the one calling when hyung smashed his phone”

“Still…”

“I don’t know hyung, but I kinda share the feeling with Myungsoo hyung here” Sungjong pressed.

_Well, whether he is our man or not, there is a way to find out_

“Ok then, _let’s go_ for now” I said out loud, earning somewhat surprised looks from the other two “Come on guys, let’s get some food too” I grinned, standing up and signaling them to follow me.

If the guy was really this mysterious hyung, then he was probably trying to get the chance to get into the room. Of course I wouldn’t let Sunggyu alone with a stranger, so we’d just have to be quiet.

We walked away and turned a corner. The moment we did, I halted and pressed myself to the wall. Thankfully, I seemed to have two very perceptive dongsaengs with me, because they quickly followed my example and quietly waited for me to do anything.

Not ten seconds had passed, when I heard a chair squeaky complaint at the shift of weight, and soft dragging steps walking near. They stopped, then started again, there was a long, sharp exhale, and what I thought was the door opening. I risked a peek and saw that the man was no longer in the corridor. I tip toed closer the hyung’s room, and noticed that the door was slightly ajar.

_Aha!_

I smirked, approaching the door silently and feeling the two boys behind me. The door opened inwards and to the opposite side of hyung’s bed, so I couldn’t see him, but at least I could hear. A little tug caught my attention, and the inquisitive eyes of the maknae found mine. I signaled them to be quiet and to listen carefully; they nodded and inched closer to the door.

For a little while there wasn’t any sound, just some shift of fabric, a little rustling. Maybe hyung was already asleep-

“ _What happened?_ ” a stranger’s voice sounded in the room.  

“ _Nothing_ ” that was Sunggyu hyung’s voice, guarded and reluctant.

“ _I heard you were sleeping outside… At a park?_ ”

“ _Mhm_ ”

“ _Why?_ ”

“ _It doesn’t matter_ ”

There was a little movement, the chair against the floor and maybe the bed sheets.

“ _It does. You’ve been acting weirdly lately? Your bandmates seem really worried_ ”

_Oh, he was listening to us then._

“ _I know_ ” Sunggyu conceded, sounding a little softer.

“ _You spent the whole night in the street_ ,” the stranger’s voice insisted, sounding heavy with reprimand and worry “ _in the middle of winter and on your own-_ ”

“ _Yes, I know_ ” the tightness was back in Sunggyu’s voice.

Silence overtook the room for a moment, until the stranger’s voice irrupted softly “ _Is this all… Was it because of me?_ ” the man sounded unsure, but there was no answer “ _Sunggyu, look at me and tell me…_ ” another moment of stillness “ _Did I cause all of this?_ ” soft rustling could be heard, maybe a silent response was given, because the man continued “ _Don’t lie to me, you’ve been ignoring me since the party_ ”

“ _I answered your message yesterday_ ” I could barely hear Sunggyu’s mumble.

“ _Yes, after days of me trying to contact you… Don’t look at me like that, I’m not blaming you or anything, I was just worried… And impatient, yes, but… I didn’t think it would affect you so badly_ ”

“ _Well it did_ ”

There was a loud sigh “ _I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to grow so distressed about it_ ”

“ _What did you expect? How did you think I would react?_ ”

“ _I don’t know, maybe ignore me-_ “

“ _I **tried**_ ”

“ _I didn’t mean to make you feel…_ ”

“ _What? Cornered? Fooled? Betrayed?_ ”

“ _Don’t say it like that-_ ”

“ _That’s how I felt hyung. I put all my trust in you-_ “

“ _Don’t you trust me anymore?_ ” the voice lowered into a somewhat pained mumble.

“ _I-I don’t… I don’t know, ok?_ ”

Silence. I bit my lip, I could sense the dense atmosphere, I knew that Sunggyu was probably hurting the man’s feelings right now, but I didn’t know what had happened, so I didn’t know if he was being too harsh or too forgiving either.

“ _Why wouldn’t you?_ ” the voice of the man sounded as if struggling with something “ _I’m still the same person, I… I swear, Sunggyu, it was never my intention to lie to you, I wasn’t trying to trick you into anything!_ ”

“ _Then what was… What do you call it then? Taking me to a party where I knew no one, letting me get drunk-_ ”

“ _I didn’t let you get drunk! Don’t mix things up here_ “

“ _Alright, but… But you disappeared from the map the minute I turned my back to you_ ”

“ _Why are complaining about that now? You went ballistic on me, Sunggyu, what did you want me to do?_ ”

“ _Were you expecting a hug and a kiss then?_ ”

“ _We’re striving off here…_ ” there was a loud sigh before the man continued “ _It’s not like I planned it to happen like that. I know you seem to distrust me now, but I’m telling you, it’s not what I wanted to happen… Come on, don’t be like that, give me the chance to explain myself, would you?...  I talked to you at the party because I barely saw you anywhere else, this was something I had to tell you personally, not through a chat”_ A heavy rustling followed _“I looked for you after that, when I cooled down myself, but you were already gone. They told me you had taken a cab home, how would I know you were off to a bar to…_ ” Another sigh.

“ _Yeah, ok, it wasn’t my brightest choice, but I wasn’t precisely thinking straight at the moment_ ”

“ _Me neither, ok? I thought I could talk it out with you, and if things went bad, take you back to your home and… I don’t know, it all sounds idiotic now, I don’t know what I was thinking; look where I led you, straight to a hospital bed… I completely screwed things up-_ ”

“ _I… I wasn’t ready to handle something like that either, hyung, I freaked out_ ”

“ _I know, I’m… I’m sorry_ ”

Some seconds ticked by in silence, and Sunggyu’s voice surfaced timidly “ _I didn’t mean… I’m just panicking again,_ _it’s not your fault, hyung_ ”

“ _It is, Sunggyu, I shouldn’t have pressured you so much_ ”

“ _I drew myself to a corner on my own; I just didn’t know how to handle it…_ ”

“ _Just tell me now_ ”

“ _What?_ ”

“ _You hate me right now, don’t you?_ ”

“ _N-… No, hyung_ ”

“ _It’s ok, Gyu-ah, you don’t need to drag this any longer, I’d rather have you pushing me away and pretend you never knew me to see you going sick over it_ ” the man sounded anguished by now “ _I just wanted you to know that I am sorry to have caused you this_ ”

“ _But I don’t want to pretend that I don’t know you, hyung_ ” Sunggyu protested with a tiny voice “ _Don’t you get it? That’s the reason I’m here now…_ ”

“ _You don-_ “

A loud yelp and something about fallen chips resonated through the corridor, revealing an approaching Sungyeol not too far away.

“ _I have to go now, Sunggyu_ ”

“ _But-Wait… Ugh_ , _ok_ ”

“ _I can… I can I keep in touch with you… if you want me to_ ”

There was silence, I didn’t know if there was some kind of silent answer or _just_ silence.

The murmur of someone moving flooded the room and I heard Myungsoo and Sungjong retreating back quickly behind the corner. I took a step back.

“ _Goodbye then… Please take care_ ”

I hurried behind the wall with the other two and we distanced ourselves a little more, just in case. The sound of the lonely pair of feet retreating mingled with the approaching trio walking towards Sunggyu’s room.

“What are you guys doing?” Hoya asked when he spotted us hunched against the wall.

Instead of answering, the three of us glanced to the corridor to find the man gone. We exchanged looks and joined the rest. Woohyun wordlessly went into the room again, a package of something and a bottle of juice in his hand.

I couldn’t shake the feeling of apprehension from my chest, I knew we were probably going to hear some serious talking, but the intensity of the feelings in both their voices, and the deepness that this matter seemed to have left an ugly imprint of impotence inside me, besides the residual guilt of spying on something so evidently private and emotional.

“Seriously, what were you doing?” Hoya insisted.

… But we were all worried, at least we should know how bad things were…

“Come sit and I’ll tell you” I answered.

“Something happened?” Sungyeol inquired curiously.

Myungsoo woke from the thoughtful stupor he seemed to be in and smiled proudly at him “Real life espionage, my hyung”

 

* * *

 

**[three days later]**

“Look up…”

“Isn’t it too much eyeliner, noona?”

“Don’t worry, it’s just a little touch”

“Ok, I trust you noona”

“Trust her Jongie, you’re looking as pretty as always” Myungsoo offered from the sit next to me.

“You are not even looking at me”

“But I know”

“Yeah, right”

“There, done, you can go now. Myungsoo-ah, you’re next”

“Alright”

I walked to Sungyeol, who was listening to something in Dongwoo’s phone.

“You done hyung?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, just waiting for my turn out there”

“Mhh”

I watched as Myungsoo complained about the eyeliner too and chuckled. It _was_ a little touch after all.

“Yeol, your turn!” Sunggyu called from the set, rearranging his hair how he wanted as his shots were already done.

“Coming!”

As Sungyeol walked away, Sunggyu approached me, and dropped himself beside me in the worn couch “You’ll go after him, Jong” he said in a tired voice.

“Ok, hyung” I let a few seconds pass by before asking “Are you ok?”

I knew the answer already, he _wasn’t_. After the talk with the mysterious hyung at the hospital, he had been reluctant to talk with any of us, saying he was tired and sleepy. Woohyun didn’t pester him, but the rest of us knew what it was about. He had been released that late afternoon, but the rest of the day was spent in a similar way. The day after was a little better though, he wasn’t as moody as before, he looked less haunted and even started eating better, but he still kept spacing out and looking all kinds of troubled. He stopped ignoring his phone (a new one he had to buy himself, of course), but wasn’t overjoyed with answering the messages either, he would stare at them long and hard, type, erase,  re-type, re-erase and re-retype his answers, and then slump back as if it had consumed a great amount of energy. There were no secretive calls so far.

“Yeah, just a little sleepy” he smiled.

A little dingly sound came from his belongings in the chairs at the opposite side of the room. He turned to the sound, then back to the front, and again to the chairs. After a little debate, he got up and walked to retrieve his phone from the pile of clothing and bags. I watched as he checked it, sighed, and seated in the floor to start his ritual of answering. It didn’t take him that long though, he seemed to be improving. He set the phone on the floor and stared at it.

“One of those messages again?” Dongwoo’s voice startled me from my side.

“Yes, it seems so”

“Really, what is that all about?”

“Who knows? But they seem to be sorting things out, it only took him a few minutes to answer this time”

“Oh, that’s an improvement” he agreed with a nod.

“What do you think happened at that party hyung?” I lowered my voice.

Dongwoo seemed to think hard over it, the corner of his mouth tugging up and down as his brow furrowed lightly “You said it, who knows? We can only guess from what we heard back then”

“Any particular guess?” I tried.

“Well… I could… I don’t know, I don’t think…” he mumbled, more like talking to himself than me “I don’t think I can say anything about it yet”

“But you do have a wild guess, don’t you?”

“Nothing specific, but…” he said, his voice low.

“Is it bad?” I asked suddenly feeling worried.

“Well, it has to be in some way for him to react like that, but… He’s still hanging onto the guy, and I don’t know if that’s any good at all” he twisted his gesture.

“What’s not good?” Myungsoo crouched in front of us.

Dongwoo seemed prompt to dismiss it, so I hurried to whisper back “Hyung’s guess about what happened at the party”

“Party?... Oh, _that_ party. What is it?” he leaned closer, the secretive aura luring him in.

“He won’t tell”

“What? Why not? Is it that bad?”

“Guys, don’t start” he interrupted us “We can’t make assumptions over a conversation, ok?”

“Don’t you want to know what’s going on, hyung?” I prodded.

“Of course I want to know, if it keeps bothering Sunggyu hyung… and the rest of us. But I don’t think it’s a good idea to throw wild ideas, and I don’t like this gossiping about him behind his back”

“We can’t precisely ask him either hyung” Myungsoo reasoned.

“I know…” he trailed off.

“What if…” I started, the other two looked at me expectantly “What if I were to… try to catch a glimpse of his conversation with this hyung?” before I finished, Dongwoo was already shaking his head, while Myungso nodded softly.

“No, Jong, that’s a definite no”

“But-“

“I said no” he cut off.

I huffed and crossed my arms, but saw our visual eyeing the rapper cautiously.

_Would he…?_

“I also want to know who that hyung is” Myungsoo commented, and I suspected he was trying to drive the conversation away from his crafting plans.

“Yeah” I helped “I swear his voice sounds familiar…”

“Really?” Dongwoo’s attention picked up again.

“And his face, I mean the little I could see, obviously, if I had seen his face we wouldn’t be having this problem”

“What are you whispering about?” the deep voice of the youngest lead vocal halted our gossiping.

Our visual shrugged “Nothing hyung, just commenting on your makeup” 

“What? Why? What’s wrong with it? It’s the eyeliner, isn’t it? I told her it was too much” he whined.

Myungsoo gave me a triumphant smile and I subtly snorted. Trust him to distress people.

 

* * *

 

**[the following weekend]**

“I can’t believe they gave us the day”

“Don’t say it too loud or they’ll realize” Sungyeol whispered, to what Hoya snorted.

Yes, we had the day for ourselves, but none of us had any plans except Woohyun, who had already left to see his parents sooner that morning. He wouldn’t take long in coming back though.

“Are you going to laze around all day?” the leader’s voice came from the kitchen

“Are you not?” Hoya shot back.

“Yes, but I’m old and lazy. You should be running laps or some shit like that”

“Ha! I’m sorry to inform you that I can be a great slacker if motived”

Sunggyu surged from the kitchen door, shaking his head in mock disapproval “Where did you learn that from?”

“From the best hyung in the world?” the rapper provided while laughing sprawled on the floor.

“Of course!” Sunggyu shot back with a pleased gesture “That’s my boy” he smiled as he walked away.

I exchanged a smile with my hyungs and Sungjong. Yes, his mood was improving, slowly but steady. He still needed to get rid of the sudden abstraction of reality, the outbursts of uneasiness, the deflated, almost scared look when we let him overthinking on his own for too long and the jittery attitude when we got too annoying. But he was improving.

“Are you going somewhere hyung?” I attempted.

“No, why? Do you want me out for some reason?” his voice echoed through the corridor, followed by his steps.

“Never, hyung. I shall have you by my side as long as possible”

A snort sounded behind me, and I turned to see Sunggyu nearing us with a handful of clothes in his hands “Why don’t you bunch of idiots learn from this guy here? He treats his hyung so nicely, don’t you Myung?” he patted my head.

“Always hyung” I wrapped my arms around his legs, almost tackling him to the ground. His laugh cracked around the room.

“Let go!”

“I just called you the best hyung and you call me an idiot? What kind of relationship is this, hyung?” Hoya protested.

“Yeah, ok, Howon, you are nice too… sometimes.”

Hoya clicked his tongue “Nah, this isn’t profitable”

“See hyung? You don’t need them” I stood up to hug him properly “Just me is enough”

“Yeah, Myung…”

“What, don’t you believe me?” I stepped away and took his hands in mine, staring intently into his eyes “Let me prove myself to you then” I joked… Well, it _was_ a joke, but I saw something in his eyes quiver, the smile on his face faltering a little. There it was again, the uncomfortable twitch when we pestered him too much. I saw the sign on time, so I let go of his hands and smiled at him. “But you already know, hyung, there’s no need, right?”

“Of course Myung” he smiled back at me. He looked around, as if I had disoriented him a little “Well, I’m taking a bath first. Try not to destroy the house”

“I’ll keep them grounded” Hoya offered from the floor.

“I trust you Howon” he accepted and retreated to the bathroom.

The moment the door closed, Hoya sat up “Did you see it just now?”

I nodded.

“What, what did you see?” Sungyeol inquired.

“How he backed off just now” Hoya clarified.

Sungjong hummed in thought before throwing a guess “Do you think it’s the contact? The closeness?”

“But I hugged him before and he didn’t even flinch”

Sungyeol groaned “Why doesn’t he just tell us?”

“Come on, why would he do that?”

“To seek for advice? Doesn’t he trust us enough?”

“He doesn’t usually come to us with his problems”

“He did a few times” he shrugged.

“Maybe it’s not something he’d like to share with… well, with anyone for that matter”

“Except that hyung of his” he spat with a grimace “I think I’m starting to understand Woohyun hyung a little more now”

“Guys!” Sunggyu’s voice came from the bathroom, muffled by the sound of the water “Can you bring me a pair of socks? I forgot!”

“Aish, this hyung of ours” I shook my head “I’m coming hyung!”

I entered our room and started looking around for a clean pair of socks. I was rummaging in a drawer when something caught my attention. His phone was on the desk, alone and unprotected. I took a glance to the door and swiftly made a grab for the device. I unlocked it and entered his messages in a blink, but halted my finger over the conversation I thought involved the man we were intrigued about. I suddenly felt bad for spying, but I really needed to know…

_It’ll be just a peak, only the last messages, no more… Sorry hyung!_

One last breath and I tapped the name.

**Kyuzizi: I told you it’s not like that.**

**Hyung: ok, I should be thankful I suppose…**

**Kyuzizi: you don’t seem satisfied though**

**Hyung: it’s not like that Gyu-ah, but I’d really like for us to talk this seriously**

**Kyuzizi: is this not serious enough?**

**Hyung: I mean face-to-face Sunggyu**

**Kyuzizi: I don’t know hyung**

**Hyung: I know I said I wouldn’t push you, but I really need to know your honest feelings about this… You don’t reject me but you don’t accept me either, I don’t know where I’m standing anymore… And I think you’re as confused as me, am I wrong?**

There was no answer to that, and it was from the previous night. I remembered that hyung was with his phone in bed, and that he had startled me when he suddenly ruffled his hair furiously before throwing a mini-fit between his blankets, groaning distressingly into his pillow.

_So this was it._

“Myungsoo, what are you doing?” I jumped away from the desk, and turned abruptly. Sungyeol was staring at me suspiciously from the door.

“Nothing” I turned again, quickly exiting the chat and blocking the phone before placing it where I had found it “Getting hyung’s socks”

I exited the room, Sungyeol on my heels, with a heavy feeling of guilt. But as my brain started clicking the pieces together, a heavier sense begun to rule my mind; the need to find out if _this_ was what I thought it was.

 

* * *

 

  **[the next day]**

“We’re off; try not burning the house down, ok?” Sunggyu waved at us, Woohyun doing the same behind him.

“Bye hyungs! Take care!”

“Buy us snacks when you come back!” 

“Don’t go eat out without us!” 

The door closed, muffling Woohyun’s snarky answer.

“Well…” a tone of incoming scolding stretched the word.

“Yes…” a tingle of resignation.

“I can’t believe you actually read his messages! What did I told you about it?” Dongwoo’s voice cracked with an authority he rarely had to use.

“I’m sorry hyung, I couldn’t help it, it was right in front of me-“

“Still, Myungsoo, we had agreed not to cross that line!”

“I know, I’m sorry-”

“We already had this discussion, didn’t we?” I interrupted, because, yes, we had yesterday. It had been long and dense and full of buts and dead ends.

“I’m just trying to make a point here” my hyung turned to me “We’re going to discuss this, but we’re not to poke around his privacy like that anymore, is that clear?” he said to all of us.

“Yes, hyung” the answer followed low.

“Good” he nodded “Now, tell me what was it that concerned you so much” he directed to the visual with a little softer demeanor.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it the whole day, and the more I think about it the more it looks like what I _think_ all this matter is about-“

“God, could you be a little more precise?” Sungyeol groaned.

There was silence for a minute or so, and we were starting to believe he had gone to Myungsoo-land yet again, when he dropped his head in his hands “I don’t want to mess it up” he mumbled. 

“What are you talking about? Mess it up how?” the maknae patted his hunched back sympathetically. 

Myungsoo straightened again and took a deep breath before speaking “Let’s see if we all come to the same conclusion and it’s not just me” he stated, running his gaze for each of our faces “He met a hyung back at one of the music shows, right? They clicked pretty fast, started talking through the phone a lot… Like _, a_ _lot_ ” we all nodded “Hyung… I mean Sunggyu hyung, started to get really into this thing, and built a big trust with this guy, enough to accept go to a party full of strangers with him” another general nod “They were all good and fine until something happened, a talk, apparently. This _talk_ , for some reason, meant some kind of… ‘ _betrayal’_ to Sunggyu’s trust on this man, something about him not being what he thought he was, but the guy needing him to know” the nods were a little more delayed, still trying to catch up to the connections the visual was making “And it was something so shocking that sent our hyung stright to drinking himself into oblivion“ 

“And then starting to act depressed” Sungjong piped in.

“Not only depressed” Dongwoo interceded, “Angry too, so it was something that made him both angry _and_ sad. 

“Well, if he thought he had been lied to of course he’d be angry… And sad because he really liked this hyung” I tried to reason.

“Exactly” Myungsoo continued “But the thing is he liked this hyung so much that he couldn’t distance himself from him, even if he ignored his calls and messages, he kept sulking over the matter until it all went to shi-“ 

“Yah” 

“-hell” he amended.

“Yes, and it was about something private, between them, I guess” the maknae tipped his head slightly.

“Maybe he had something with the girl Sunggyu liked?” I threw in, already knowing it was a silly try. 

“Nah, it doesn’t go with the conversation they had at the hospital” Dongwoo disregarded. 

“What about what you read yesterday? That’s what sealed the deal for you, wasn’t it?” the tone of Sungyeol was very serious, he probably was expecting something bad… And, for the look on Myungsoo’s eyes, I kind of did too.

“It was something like… The guy asking Sunggyu to stop avoiding the matter and talk about it face to face, because he wanted to know what Sunggyu honestly _felt_ about it. Hyung wasn’t sure, so the guy insisted, and said… He said that he didn’t know what to think because…” he made some motions with his hands “Because hyung wouldn’t _reject_ _him_ nor _accept_ _him_ ” he let out as if were a weight in his chest he was getting rid of. 

We stared at him for a while. I wasn’t sure what it was about, so whatever they talked about needed Sunggyu to answer, to accept or reject… This guy? That kinda sounded…

_Nah, that’s ridiculous, Lee Howon! What are you thinking?_

“And” he suddenly resumed his explanation “in the end he said that he thought that Sunggyu was also _confused_ about it. Hyung never answered to that, but it distressed him” he looked up and stared at us, one at the time, seemingly trying to read our expressions. 

I did the same. Dongwoo had a suspicious frown, his mouth slightly agape and his eyes narrowed, he was probably still trying to put the pieces together, or rearranging them because they made no sense the way he was placing them. Sungyeol was staring at the floor, another frown, more thoughtful than anything, marring his forehead. Sungjong was staring at Myungsoo, who had halted his eyes on him, and seemed to be having a silent conversation with the visual. His eyes were big and questioning, but more assertive than the rest of us, and his eyebrows twitched with the meaning of each look they exchanged. 

_Did he figure it out?_

Dongwoo straightening his back caught my attention, and I turned to him, his face less confused now but still serious. He looked at me and raised a single eyebrow. I frowned in response. I still hadn’t solved this thing. His look morphed into a worried one, then unsure, thoughtful again, and then a resigned shake of head.

“I don’t know what to think” he finally said “Or, actually, I don’t know if what I’m _thinking_ is what I _should_ be thinking… Ugh, this is such a mess” 

“Well you must have reached the same conclusion as Myung here, because you’re reacting the same way” I replied a little peeved. What was it that they were thinking that had them all so concerned? 

“Did you?” Myungsoo turned to him with his eyes big and expecting.

“I don’t know” 

“Ok, what is it guys?” I snapped. 

They looked at me, again those eyes that looked like trying to convey the message through telepathy. 

“They think this guy confessed to hyung” Sungyeol’s no-nonsense tone made me snap my head towards him. The rest just looked at him big eyed.

“Confessed… you mean like…?” 

“Yeah, a confession, like ‘hey, I like you man, wanna try going out?’” 

I barked an awkward laugh “What are you saying, that’s not…” I turned to the rest of us, all looking at me with expecting eyes “That’s… Wait, that was it?” They nodded and shrugged at the same time “What?!” 

“All the clues seem to point that way to me” Myungsoo shrugged again. 

“Wait, wait, so that means that… I mean, the guy likes… And why didn’t hyung reject him yet? He’s… He’s confused? How…?” I gripped my hair with my both hands “What the…? Who the fuck is this fucking guy?!” 

“Calm down Hoya” Dongwoo’s hand patted my arm while his other hand loosened my fingers from my hair “It’s all a guess. We can’t know for sure” 

“How did this happen?” I buried my face in my hands “We must got it all wrong, Sunggyu hyung wouldn’t like a dude, he’s not… he’s not like that!” I raised my head again. 

“Hoya, don’t be like that” 

“Like what? This is all fucked up!” 

“Hoya” Dongwoo’s voice held a tint of warning mixed up with understanding. I tried to calm my nerves. 

“But… How do you want me to react, hyung?” It’s not like I was… Well, disgusted by it or anything like that, but I definitely wasn’t thrilled by the possibility. I could see that he wasn’t all that happy about it either, but well, it was Dongwoo after all, he absorbed things in a different way than me “This could be a huge disaster, you know? This could be wrong… I-I don’t mean like he’s wrong to… Or the other guy, I mean… You know what I mean” I sighed defeated.

“Yes I know, but we can be wrong too. We don’t know if Sunggyu likes this guy like that, we don’t even know if the _guy_ likes our hyung like that, we don’t know, ok?” 

“Who is that guy?” I insisted after a few seconds. 

“We don’t know hyung” Sungjong shook his head. 

“We need to know then!” 

“Why?” 

“I want to know who’s the fucker who’s messing with Sunggyu’s head so much!” 

“Hoya, you need to cool down, ok?” Dongwoo’s tone hardened almost imperceptibly, but I caught it. 

“I just…” a long sigh left my mouth “I know, it’s just that this could be such a mess” 

“I think we let that pretty clear already” Sungyeol offered lightly, his hands supporting him while he leaned back “But I agree with Hoya hyung, though I don’t plan on committing murder,” he sent me a significant look “I also want to know who this dude is” 

“Well then,” Myungsoo smirked good-naturedly “another thing to find out” 

I heard Dongwoo slapping his forehead.

 

 

* * *

 

 **[that night]**

I let a sharp exhale through my nose the moment I entered his room. 

“Sunggyu,” I called, almost expecting him to ignore me, but he raised his head in question “You gonna eat?” 

He shook his head in a soft negative. I nodded, doubted for a while, and entered the room, closing the door behind me. He looked at me curiously as I approached his bed and sat next to him. 

“The same as before?” I asked, pointing to the phone in his hands with my head. 

“Yeah… “ 

We fell into silence again, and he looked a little reluctant to resume his messaging with me beside him. I won’t lie, it bothered me a lot, but I had promised him to lay off a bit as long as he started paying attention to the real world around him and tried to loosen up a bit. He was doing his part of the deal, so I had to keep my word too. I made to stand up. 

“Ok, I’ll leave you to your thing then” I tried not to sound too annoyed, but I was talking to Sunggyu here, so it was expected for him to notice. 

“Woohyun” he called me as I was about to reach the door “Come here”

I hesitated for a second “No, it’s ok hyung-“

“Come here” he cut in, and I found myself sitting next to him again. 

He played a little with the phone, sighed a few times, looked up and down to his knees again. I knew he was struggling with something, probably trying to decide what to do with me. 

_Are you going to tell me anything at all?_

In all honesty, I really wanted him to open up to me, to tell me what was it that bothered him so much. It was part honest worry for him, and part the need to feel that he trusted me, that I was important to him, important enough to tell me this kind of things, to rely on me, to seek for support and help in me. _I_ did that, I did that all the time, so I just wanted to feel equally needed, equally helpful. But the fact that he still kept all this matter in the shadows only reinforced the feeling that this was something bad, private, personal and serious. I it only magnified my need to _know_. 

“Will you ever tell me what is it about?” I couldn’t help myself from asking. 

He sighed again. 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you Woohyun” he answered. Of course he would know where I was coming from “But it’s not… It’s not a simple matter… Or, actually, it _is_ rather simple, but not something easy to say… Or accept at all” he kept his head low, the phone turning between his restless hands. 

“Still, you don’t trust me enough” I mumbled dejectedly. 

“Hyun, don’t be like that, I do trust you, ok? More than anyone here, remember?” he looked at me “But this… I bet you wouldn’t tell me either if you were in my place” 

“I would!” I snapped “How do you know I wouldn’t? I totally would!” 

“You don’t even know what I’m talking about-“ 

“Exactly! That’s how much I trust _you_ ” 

He closes his eyes and lowered his head again. I tried to cool down, knowing that another fight wasn’t what we needed at all, but I was still determined to get some answers from him. Maybe I was willing to wait more patiently, not to push him so much, not to go bat shit crazy on him, but I still wanted to understand. I hated secrets between us. 

“Woohyun” his voiced flowed to me, slow and a little unsure. I looked down at him and found him with his head in his hands, his fingers gripping tightly at his hair. I immediately loosened myself and draped an arm around his tense shoulders. 

“Don’t stress yourself hyung, it’s ok, I can be more patient-“ 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you” he insisted tightly. 

“I know, it’s ok, hyung-” 

“But my trust on you and my need for you to be by my side are clashing right now, you know?” I stayed quiet, waiting for him to elaborate, because I was caught between confusion and the pleasant feel of being acknowledged as _needed_ ”I don’t want you to turn on me, even if I do trust you, I can’t help but fear that this will be too much and you’ll walk away from me” 

“Hyung, I wouldn’t… What could it be that’s so… so bad for you to think like that?” He only shook his head “What is it?” more silence. I was starting to grow seriously concerned and already dreading the worst possibilities “Are you on drugs or something?” 

A snort came from my hunched hyung under my arm. That was good, I guessed. 

“No, Hyun, I’m not doing drugs” he rejected lightly amused, straightening his back. 

“Well, then, that’s good” I nodded and patted his shoulder, trying to find another thing as bad “Are you an alcoholic?” I tried, remembering the pitiful state he had returned after that damned party. 

“No, that’s not either… I’m sorry I let you see me like that though” 

“It’s ok, we all have slips…” I reassured absentmindedly as I racked my brain in search for more options “Are you… Did you steal something? Do you have the urge to steal?” 

“What?” he laughed softly “No, Woohyun, what are you saying? Don’t you think you’d have noticed that by now?” 

“Mh, I guess. Well then, what is it? Did you- Oh, wait I know!” I jumped, releasing his shoulders and pointing at him. His face fell a little as he looked at me “You knocked up a girl!”

He stared at me blankly for a second, before a snort cracked his serious façade and he laughed again “No, Hyun” he said softly. I was glad I had managed to make him laugh, but his joy lasted so little, he was already looking gloomily at his hands again. 

“Then what is it?” I stressed “Do you… Are you needing some kind of… Professional help?” I attempted, half dreading the answer. 

He seemed to think over it seriously. I held my breath, hoping he would shot down my suspicion, but every second he let stretch weighed in my shoulders with the negative anticipation of having hit close to home. 

“I… I don’t… I don’t think so, no” he cocked his head in the quick manner he did when something bounced too much around his mind, when he tried to shoo a particularly annoying thought away “I would like to believe I don’t” he finally said, with a little tone of irritation under the statement. 

“Ok, I’m running out of options here Sunggyu, could you enlighten my thoughts a little?” 

He looked at me, his eyes scanning mine, and a little, almost imperceptible tug at the corner of his lips loosened a bit the tight grip all this conversation was holding on my nerves. 

“I’m glad you didn’t mention it so far, Hyun. Should I have some hope that it means it wouldn’t be that much of a big deal to you?” his eyes were earnest. 

“How would I know?” I answered a little sharp. 

“Mh… Yeah, it might have slipped your mind only” he rested his eyes on his hands again. 

“Tell me already” I spat “I’m losing my patience, hyung, I need to know what’s going on-“ 

“You said you wouldn’t push the matter-“ 

“I can’t keep ignoring it either-!” I shut my eyes tight, filling my chest with air before letting it out long and heavy. 

_Calm down, Nam, calm down…_

“I’ll tell you Woohyun, I swear I’ll tell you when I figure it out myself-” 

“Are you having health issues?” I started again. He shook his head “Family complications?” another negative “Gotten into a fight? Started gambling?” he kept shaking his head at my every attempt “Planning on leaving the group? Fought with the CEO? Someone insulted you? Do you have a stalker? Poisoned food? Did you start an affair with a married woman? With a man? Do you-?” he flinched, and I almost jumped off the bed in a show of victory “That’s it!” I hollered, and I saw him grimace at me. 

“W-Whoohyun, wait” his faces twisted in an expression so mixed up that I could hardly recognize a single emotion, but there was despair, I knew that much ”please don’t-“ 

“That’s it, isn’t it?” 

“Woo-“ 

“Tell me, am I right or not?” 

“Y-ye-No… I don’t know” 

“You are having an affair with a married woman, aren’t you?” I sat again and held his hand. He looked at me mildly surprised, his mouth gaping a little “It’s ok, it can be handled. Is she famous? Is that the problem?”

“What? No, Woohyun, it’s not-“ his voice sounded tight with apprehension. 

“You just admitted it! Don’t worry, hyung, it’s more usual than what you think-“ 

“Woohyun, it’s not-“ 

“Who is it? Did she threaten you or anything? Or her husband found out-?” 

“Stop it Woohyun, you got it wrong-” 

“Do I know her? Who is she-?” 

“Stop it Woohyun, there is no _she_! There is no woman, ok?!” he snaped, his voice cracking under the pressure. 

I waited, some breaths passed in stillness, so I tried to poke his halted acknowledgment “… But, you-“ 

“There is no _woman_ ” he stressed the word, staring right into my eyes “And… That’s… That’s the problem, ok?” he said with a shaking tone, slipping his hand out of my grasp. His eyes settled on his lap again, while I pushed my brain to understand what he just said. 

“What do you mean?” I asked, not exactly to him, for I was already forming the idea in my head. 

“Just… Forget it Woohyun, forget I said anything, ok?” he sunk his face into his palms again. 

My mind was racing, running along the conversation. He had admitted it, why was he backtracking now? I didn’t lash out at him, I was supporting him. Did I have it wrong? But he said… 

_I know him, he jumped up when I hit the right mark, he did! What else did I…_

“Woohyun?” his voice calling my name reached my ears, but my mind was busy doing the math.   

“ _That’s_ the problem?” I repeated, still lost in my assumptions. 

“No, forget about it, please” 

“Hyung, are you-?” 

“I said forget about it!!” his yell drowned the room in silence. I could only stare at him; his hands shook lightly, his breathing a little labored, his brow furrowed in a quivering frown “I’m sorry Woohyun” he mumbled.

He stood up and left the room. 

 

* * *

 

 **[two days latter]**

I groaned inwardly. 

_I can’t believe this._

As if it wasn’t enough to have one hyung slumped in depression, now I had to watch Woohyun lost in thought and looking like his soul had just abandon him. I sighed in frustration. 

_Is it contagious or what?_

“Did you figure out the meaning of life yet?” I blurted from my spot against the doorframe of the kitchen. 

“Huh?” he didn’t even look up. 

“What is it with you people?” 

“Who?” he glanced towards me. 

“You two: Sunggyu hyung, and now you. What’s wrong with you?” I walked closer to him. 

“ _He_ is what’s wrong with me, ok?” he provided, but I only groaned at that. 

“Care to be a little more didactic?” 

“Don’t test my mood Sungyeol” he warned with a not-in-the-mood-for-this-shit frown. 

“Ok, could you please elaborate on your answer then?” 

He held my gaze with a heavy look. I won’t say I wasn’t a little intimidated, but I really wanted to get to the bottom of this couple behavior they were having. It was driving me nuts. 

“I might know what’s wrong with him” he finally said. I had to straighten up at his answer. 

“Wait, really? Did he tell you?” I sat beside him. 

“Not exactly, but we talked and I kind of pushed him until he… Well, he didn’t _say_ anything, but he reacted to what _I_ said…” 

“Uhu…” I eyed him skeptically “How sure are you about this?” 

“I don’t know. He didn’t say anything else, but it might make sense… Somehow” 

“Ok… care to share with the people here?” 

He eyed me a little “I don’t think I should” he shook his head.

“What? Why not? Come one, we are worried too!” 

“No, he didn’t want to tell me, I pretty much pulled out it from him and… I don’t think it’s fair-“ 

“Now you’re talking about fair?” 

“Shut up, ok?!” 

He startled me, but I didn’t relent “Ok, look” I leaned in “What if I tell you that I also think I know what’s wrong with him?” 

His attention flew to me instantly, his eyes big and, strangely, murderous “What do you know?” he bit out. 

“We talked with the rest of the guys-“ 

“What? You all were sneaking around and making up hypothesis?” 

“Hey, we were worried, ok? We wanted to know if we could find out-“ 

“Whatever. What did you find out?” 

I tried not to react to his attitude “We think, “ I started, trying to give a last minute appraisal of the situation, and what I was about to do “that it has to do with the guy he’s been talking to lately” I decided to keep it vague for now. 

“Guy? What guy?” his stance tensed. 

“The hyung he’s been talking to?” he frowned “God, Woohyun hyung, where have you been the last months?” 

“Save the comments and tell me who is this hyung you’re talking about” 

I gritted my teeth “The one that’s been keeping him attached to the phone? The one that took him to that party? The one that made him the mess he is right now!” 

“So I am right?” he suddenly backed up, his eyes big with surprise and shock. 

“Right? Wait, right about what?” 

He seemed to think about it, before turning to me again “What do you know of this guy?” he whispered in a low chilling tone. 

“We think that this guy… Kind of… Confessed to hyung” I finally admitted, half reluctantly and expecting Woohyun to laugh at my face. 

But he didn’t. If anything, his frown deepened, and his jaw tensed “I fucking knew it” he gritted “I fucking _knew_ it!” 

“So you thought the same?” I was a little surprised honestly. 

“Yeah, I suspected it was something along the lines” He sighed “Right… Of course” he nodded “Of course he wouldn’t want to tell me, huh?” 

“So…” I poked, and he looked at me “What do you think about it?”

“What am I supposed to think?” 

“I don’t know… I mean, Hoya didn’t take it too well-“ 

“Well I didn’t either” 

“Huh? You don’t seem too faced” 

“Yeah, but I, let’s say, _found out_ a few days ago” 

“Oh… So…?” 

“I’ve been avoiding Sunggyu since then” he admitted, lowering his eyes to his hands. 

“Oh… Well… It _is_ kind of a shock” 

“You don’t say” 

“Myung and Jong took it pretty well, those two runts are really perceptive” 

Woohyun scoffed. 

“Yeah, there’s no surprise there” 

“Dongwoo hyung was a little confused, he didn’t know how to act around Sunggyu hyung, but I think he made up his mind” 

“And Hoya?” 

“Well, he’s still kind of struggling with it… He says it’s nothing against our hyung, and I believe him… But it’s still hard to get around it” 

“It is” he grumbled, glaring at his hands. 

“What about you?” I asked softly. 

“I don’t know” 

“I still find it a little hard to believe, I think I won’t believe it until he tells us… Or we find him with-” 

“Shut up Yeol” 

“Ok, just saying”

We spent some time quiet, reorganizing our thoughts the best we could. 

“I don’t think I can stay mad at him for too long” he finally mumbled. 

“Why would you be mad at him?” I shot back, fearing the answer. 

“Just the usual shit” he shrugged “You know… “ 

“No, I don’t, Woohyun, could you let me know?” 

“No need to use the harsh tone, ok?” he glared at me. 

“Then enlighten me” 

“I’m not… Look, I’m not going to go all homophobic on him, alright?” he defended himself “I’m not like that, ok? But you said it yourself, it’s not something easy to digest” 

“I know… I just don’t want you two fighting to the point of no return… I don’t want us to change either…” 

“I know” he picked at his nails absently “And I know I have to get over it… He told me, you know?” he looked at me with a little triumphant smile that contrasted with his concerned look “that he didn’t want to tell me because he was scared I would leave him” he looked back at his nails “And that he needed me with him” 

“That’s no news hyung” 

“I know, but it still feels nice to be told so in the face” 

“Mh, I guess” someone came out of their room and walked to the bathroom, closing the door softly “So you’ll stick to his side?” 

He looked up at me with surprised eyes, as if I had asked the stupidest question possible “Of course”

 


	5. Sneaky dongsaengs

**[a week later]**

“No, he has to be good at dancing too” Woohyun disagreed.

“What about it? Is he not good?” Sungjong asked.

“No, I mean good to the point of rivaling with Hoya”

“I like him less every day” the rapper grumbled.

“Don’t worry, Sunggyu said he still likes you better” Woohyun patted his back.

There was a flicker of something in Hoya’s eyes before he sighed “Ok, whatever, this one’s out then” he crossed a name from a list in the piece of paper they were all gathering around.

“I still think we should narrow the list to the groups that were promoting with us” Sungjong said “He met him at one of the shows after all”

“But then we’d be left with… “ Dongwoo started to point at the names in the list “I don’t even know,  don’t remember all of them”

“Well, let’s see…” Sungjong started, taking the laptop from the floor and placing it on his lap “Beast was promoting along with us, right?” a series of hums “Ok, how old are they? Is there any of them older than Sunggyu hyung?”

“Their leader?” I shrugged.

“No, Sunggyu already knew him, and they’re the same age” Woohyun shook his head.

“Ok, not Beast then” the maknae kept searching “What about Kim Hyunjoong?”

“How good is he with the dancing?”

“I don’t know, but he’s an actor too” he shrugged, his slender fingers typing at the speed of light “Look, here’s the MV of the song he was promoting” he turned the laptop so we could all watch and hit play. We all inched closer to see better.

“Oh, right, Jay Park was there too…” Sungyeol commented, still focused on the video.

“Does he rap?”

“Jay Park? Are you kidding me?”

“No, I mean Hyunjoong”

“Oh, I don’t know?”

“He’s dancing, but…” Dongwoo trailed off.

“Yeah, it’s nothing to show off, but not bad either… How good is he?”

“It’s two out of four until now- Oh…“

“Oh, ok…”

“Yeah… This is kind of awkward…”

“It shouldn’t be actually… I mean it’s just a shirtless guy… With a good body”

“Yes, but we’re trying to figure out if he’s the one Sunggyu hyung is… well… And it makes it kind of… Yeah” Hoya provided efficiently.

“Do you think…” Dongwoo started, eyeing in the man in the MV before resuming “that hyung likes this kind of men?”

He received some blinks and blank stares.

“Uh…” Hoya gaped a little “I don’t think I want to try answering that”

“I think it’d be logical that he likes them well toned” Sungyeol concluded “Isn’t it the most usual? Guys with good bodies have the highest chances after all”

“Wait, how do you know he likes men anyway?” Woohyun interrupted, and I couldn’t help to snort loudly.

“Are you kidding me now?” Sungyeol deadpanned at him with a not-amused faced.

“No, I mean, he might like _this_ guy, but he never liked guys before, he never showed any kind of interest in men. This dude did _something_ for him to think differently, I don’t think this was purely physical, you know?”

“Uh, I think I kind of get what you mean” Hoya mumbled with a thoughtful expression.

“So you think that he doesn’t like men, but this guy only?”

“I’m just saying” he shrugged “Maybe later he’ll start checking guys out, who knows? But I think now he’s just… Uh, _attracted_ to this hyung of his”

“I think he’s kinda right” Sungjong nodded.

“But he has _thought_ about it” Sungyeol affirmed, pointing at us “Don’t you remember how he wouldn’t let us hug him or get touchy with him?”

We nodded.

“Well, more reasons to prove me right” the lead vocal refuted “He stopped caring about it already, meaning he doesn’t mind anymore, and that has to be because he doesn’t see any of us in that way, or any men for that matter, from what I could see lately. So, again, there’s only physical attraction with this guy… _If_ there’s any, that is, I actually think that if there’s any physical attraction it is only a consequence of something else, a secondary effect of his bond with the guy” he concluded, sounding rather pleased with his own deduction.

The guys seemed to me musing about it, slow nods here and there. I had to admit that he had given a really good defense to his theory, I also thought he was right somehow. Who knows how long he had been thinking about it?

“And do you think this mysterious hyung is well toned?” I threw in.

“I think he is” the mankae tipped his head to the side “For what I could see back at the hospital; he looked kind of wide in the shoulders and with a good height”

“Can we stop this talk, please?” Hoya asked rubbing his eyes.

I looked down at my arms “So I don’t stand a chance, do I?” I sighed dejectedly. Five pair of eyes stared at me in silence for a long period of three seconds, before I couldn’t hold the chuckles anymore “Ok, sorry, but I had to”

Woohyun sighed and shook his head “Well, I don’t think it’s him anyway” he said pointing at the laptop “If he were this awesome dancer I guess he’d have showed some of that in there, I don’t know some crazy ass move or something” he said twisting his arms in a way that hinted an attempt at a dance move.

“Wait, we shouldn’t count only the ones promoting” I returned to the matter at hand, gaining the attention of the other five members “What if it was someone who went to show support? You know that that’s pretty normal, to go support a group you’re friends with or maybe someone from your same company?”

"I don't think so..." Hoya mumbled unsure.

Dongwoo hummed and tipped his head “No, I think Myung is right, but that’d mean that we have to consider a lot of other people-“

The sound of the door opening had us all scrambling up from our positions.

“I’m back guys” Sunggyu’s voice floated from the entrance.

“Hi hyung~” Sungjong skipped to him “What did you bring us?”

“What? Nothing, you want something, you go get it”

“But hyung, you said you’d bring us something!”

“Well I changed my mind” he appeared waving to us and entered the kitchen, Sungjong following behind.

I stood up and went after them, while the rest hid the little list “How did it go, hyung?” I asked

“Well enough” he answered shortly.

I tried to determine his mood. He didn’t look angry or annoyed, but not too happy either “Long day?”

“Yeah” he sighed rubbing his face. There was a little bit of nothing until he threw his head back and groaned “Stop with the puppy eyes Jong, open the damn bag” he pointed to his bag, resting on the table.

The maknae jumped happily towards it and started rummaging inside, until he took a bunch of brightly colored packages.

“Yes! Hyung, you’re the best!”

“Yeah, ok, share with the rest will you?”

“Sure, hyung!” he left the kitchen bouncing, and immediately after we could hear the bickering between the rest of the group.

“You should go before there’s nothing left Myung”

“Nah, it’s ok, they’ll leave me some” I shrugged.

He scoffed “Right”

“So, hyung…”

“Hmm?” he hummed while he opened the fridge.

“Do you know this Kim Hyunjoong guy?”

“Hmm…” he tipped his head to the side in thought, and I knew right then that he wasn’t our guy “Yeah, why?”

“No, nothing, we were just watching some of his stuff and remembered that he was promoting with us last year”

“Yes, he was”

“Who else were promoting at the same time?”

“I don’t remember, why?”

“Just curious” he gave me a raised eyebrow “I watched one of our wins back then and saw a few people I didn’t even remember were promoting too. So I got curious” I lied.

“Oh” he seemed to buy it “Well, f(x) was there too, Ailee, Beast, EXO, VIXX…? I don’t know”

“Yeah. Well, it seems it’s not just _my_ bad memory then” I smiled and he made a face to me.

“Shut up” he laughed.

We walked back to the living room and found Sungjong and Dongwoo on the couch, the laptop on their lap and music coming out softly.

“What are you watching?” I sat beside them.

“Hot hyungs” Sungjong deadpanned.

“What?”

Dongwoo laughed at my face, before shifting to let me see. I took a quick glance to Sunggyu, but he was already out of sight, probably gone to his room. So I focused my eyes on the screen.

“I’m starting to think it wasn’t someone who promoted with us” Sungjong admitted.

“Well then, that means we have very little chance to find out who he is”

“Maybe if I hear his singing…” the maknae muttered frowning “And then the voice again”

“Why are you so caught up with his voice? I didn’t think it was too particular”

“No, but there’s still something… “

“How is it?” Woohyun inquired from the floor.

“Well, it’s not deep, but it’s not too soft either…” I struggled with a description.

“If I could hear his voice one more time” Sungjong insisted “I bet I could recognize him”

“Want to call him?” I offered. They both looked at me with big eyes.

“Myungsoo, I told you no more looking into his phone” the rapper scolded.

“I didn’t! I was just saying…”

\--

**[that same afternoon]**

The sound of the shower caught my attention when I came out of my room. I joined the other guys, all gathered around the computer, and did the math.

“Is Sunggyu hyung going out somewhere?” I asked them.

They shrugged, all except Woohyun, who answered without taking his eyes from the screen “Yeah, didn’t tell me where, but he didn’t seem too thrilled about it”

“Schedule?”

“Nah, he finished for today when he came back”

“To see the CEO, maybe?”

“He’d have told me”

“He’s not talking that much to-“

“Shup up Howon, he talks to me” he frowned.

I didn’t push the matter, knowing it was still kind of raw.

The shower stopped, and after a while we heard Sunggyu walking to his room and closing the door softly.

“He was going nuts about what to wear though” Woohyun pointed out with some reluctance.

We looked at him, confusion and questions hanging in our stares. I was about to ask for clarification, but the music from Sunggyu’s phone stopped me. We all turned to the object vibrating its way to the edge of the table. In the blink of an eye, Sunggyu came rushing, hair wet and feet bare, to pick up. He stared for a fragment of second to the screen, his finger wobbling over it, unsure maybe?

“Yes?” he answered. I was surprised to hear how nervous he sounded. I frowned and looked to Sungyeol to my side, his face reflecting my own “Yes… Sure, just… give me a minute, ok?... … No, just… Yeah, behind the third pillar from the entrance… Ok, I’ll be there in a minute… Bye”.

He held the phone in his hands, a big inhale and a heavy exhale lifting his shoulders. He then seemed to notice our quietness and turned around, looking even more uncomfortable. His eyes fell on Woohyun for a second longer and then he bolted back to his room.

“What was it about?” I asked when I heard the door closing.

“No ide-“ Myungsoo was cut off when Woohyun jumped to his feet and ran to the window, plastering himself against it.

“What?” Dongwoo inquired as we all stood up and followed him, but before we reached him, he turned around and moved to the entrance of the dorm, all of us trailing behind like ducklings.

“I think…” he started, stopping with a hand over the door “Ok, here is the thing; I’m going to follow him when he leaves-”

“What? Why would you do that?”

“To see where he is going, of course”

“What? You-“ the door of the room opened and we all scattered around, distancing ourselves from the door.

“Ok, I’m leaving guys, don’t flood the kitchen” he joked as usually, but his tone was tight with reluctance.

“When are you coming back?” Sungjong asked.

“I-I don’t know”

“What do you mean you don’t know? Did you tell the managers?”

“Of course Woohyun, they know” he avoided his eyes.

“They’re ok with it?”

“Yes, Woohyun, I wouldn’t be going if they weren’t” he mumbled as he finished putting his shoes on “I’m off!”

“Ok, be safe hyung” Dongwoo waved happily.

Sunggyu closed the door after him and right after that Woohyun marched to the entrance too, putting on his own shoes.

“Wait Woohyun” I tried to stop him.

“You come with me or you back off Hoya” he said in a plain voice.

“Woohyun, you’re going to mess up- Wait!“ I jumped as he opened the door softly and slipped out. I looked back at the other guys, who gave me confused looks, and hurried after the main vocalist “Woohyun wait!” I said softly, trying to keep my voice down as I bounced on one leg, trying to fit my sneakers.

“Keep quiet if you come with me” he retorted.

“What are you doing?”

“Just checking”

“What?”

The elevator stopped in our floor and he got in, me following after. He hit the parking floor button and crossed his arms, his feet tapping impatiently on the floor. I sighed in resignation.

_Whatever…_

We reached the floor and I had to almost run to catch up to Woohyun, who bolted out of the elevator the very moment the doors started to open. We walked towards the main entrance and halted abruptly. Woohyun retreated back behind one of the columns and signaled me to do the same.

“The fuck, Woohyun?” I whispered annoyed, but hiding nonetheless.

“Just watch”

“What?”

“ _That_ ” he grabbed my face and turned it to the front.

I saw Sunggyu’s back walking away from us, his steps short and jittery. He had sunglasses on and a cap low over his face, and was at that moment pulling the hood over his head. I couldn’t see our van anywhere near, nor any of our managers. So it clicked then, when I saw the car parked not too far away, _by the third pillar from the entrance_. It looked like a jeep or something similar, shiny and clean, with tinted windows and the driver’s door ajar. I couldn’t help but to lean forward when the door opened completely and a guy stepped out.

Sunglasses, wool hat on his head, dark jacket zipped up to his mouth, stylish from head to toes…

_That fucker! It must be him!_

I felt Woohyun’s hand on my elbow and realized I was actually trying to move forward. He pulled me back and gestured to the two men.

“Try to recognize him!” he whispered harshly.

I set my eyes on the guy again, he was looking at Sunggyu with a serious expression as our hyung stopped a few meters away from the car. I saw him pulling the zipper of his jacket down to his collarbones and say something, couldn’t hear it though, but Sunggyu nodded back and stepped closer.

_Focus, Howon, recognize the bastard!_

I guessed he was slightly taller than Sunggyu, taking the height of the car as a reference, but I couldn’t be too sure. He seemed to have a strong jaw, but his face had rather soft edges; shoulders and neck on the strong side, rather prominent lower lip, skin seemingly tanner than Sunggyu’s... It really didn’t say much to me, I couldn’t recognize him. Sungjong should have come with us, he even recognized his voice. Maybe if we got closer…

The man got into the car again, and I could see the passenger’s door opening. Sunggyu hesitated a little, and I was hoping he would recoil and go back home, but, after raising a hand to his head in a nervous manner and letting it drop again, he stepped in and closed the door.

The moment I lost sight of Sunggyu, I felt like running after him, throw the door open and snatch back my hyung from this fucker’s claws, but I only fisted my hands against the cold pillar that hid me.

I heard Woohyun kicking the wall when the car took off.

\--

**[past midnight]**

_Yes, handsome as always._

I agreed with the mirror, so I nodded satisfied and walked out of the bathroom. I was going to go back to my room, but the soft, wavering glow flashing against the walls near the living room caught my attention. I dragged my socks clad feet along the corridor until I came face to backs with none other than the let’s-grow-green-hair-from-anxiety-over-our-hyung duo; Hoya and Woohyun hyungs.

“Guys-“ I croaked, but I couldn’t go on, as both of them jumped out of their skins with alarmed yelps, Hoya even falling from the couch. I couldn’t for the life in me hold in the laugh.

“Yah, stupid choding!” Woohyun barked in a low voice.

“The heck, Sungyeol?!” Hoya’s voice came also hushed, half of his face poking out from the side of the couch.

“What about me? It’s you two who are up at this hour, hyung will skin you alive!”

“Lower you damn voice! And he won’t care, we only have a late schedule tomorrow, and it’s only a magazine interview” Woohyun grumbled turning to the muted TV again.

“Exactly, we can actually sleep a week’s worth tonight, why would you stay up watching…” I looked at the TV “A cooking show??”

“Shut up, there’s nothing to watch”

“Whatever you say hyung…”

“Look, did you go to the big room yet?” Hoya asked.

“No, why would I?”

“To check on hyung” Woohyun provided matter of factly.

“Uh, I insist, why would I?”

“God, Sungyeol, how dense can you be?”

“What? Are _you_ calling _me_ dense?”

“I don’t know what’s with that tone, but I’ll ignore it for now” the lead vocal narrowed his eyes at me before continuing “The thing is Sunggyu’s not back yet”

The guy from the TV was attacking a bun of dough while I waited for some kind of further explanation. It never came.

“Ok… So?” I prodded.

Woohyun gripped his hair in a gesture of desperation or frustration or whatever it was, but it was Hoya who took the word.

“He’s a little worried” he explained, and I snorted “Look, hyung’s not back yet, and he went out like…” he looked at the time before turning to me again “six hours ago with some stranger dude with a really high, almost 100% sure possibility of having more than inappropriate intentions towards him. Is that clear enough?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess…”

“So I hope you understand that I won’t be going to sleep anytime soon, until I see him walk through that door” Woohyun pointed to the dorm door with a dead serious face “Safe, untouched and-“

“Not limping” I ended.

I got blank looks for about two seconds until I had to dock to avoid the several objects thrown to my face.

“The fuck, choding?!”

“What kind of shit are you thinking?!”

“You damn perverted giraffe!”

“Ok, ok-!” a cushion hit me in the face.

“God, how am I going to take the idea out of my head now?!”

“I was jok-!” a slipper hit my jaw “Ok stop it already!”

The two groaned and twisted in mental agony on the couch, while I made my way through the several objects lying around me.

“What was that?” the sleepy voice of the maknae inquired from the corridor.

“Nothing, Sungjong, go back to sleep”

His head peeked from behind the wall “Sure?”

“Yeah, I’m just dealing with two worried dads in denial”

“Oh…” a heavy blink “Ok, good night” and he left.

I sat between the two still groaning men and heaved an anticipating sigh “Ok,“ I started collecting my thoughts “If it makes you sleep at night, I don’t think they’ll go that far tonight”

“Shit, yeah, that helps a lot now” Woohyun growled sarcastically from my side.

“Good to know” I slapped my thighs softly “Now, I _might_ be a little tiny bit restless about this too so… Mind if I keep you some company?”

Hoya looked up from his hands, where he had his face buried “What? You just mocked us for being worried and now you want to stay up the night with us until Sunggyu comes back?”

“Kind of, yeah”

“Ok” he shrugged.

I kind of dozed of a few times while we waited, my head lolling to the sides and my blinks longer than they should be. I wanted hyung to come back soon so I could go back to my cozy bed, the only reason I was still struggling to stay awake was the overwhelming curiosity that kept gnawing at my nerves. We were already starting to actually comment on the lady covering a chair in egg-packs as a totally chic, original idea of new home deco, when a muffled voice filtered through the main door. We exchanged looks of alarm, surprise, suspicion and relief all mingled together before turning to the door and unconsciously ducking a little behind the back of the couch. The voice giggled gently and I recognized it was Sunggyu’s.

_Who is he talking to? Oh wait… Oh my God, did he bring the guy over?! Holly fuck-!_

I was about to share my suspicion with the guys to my sides when the door opened, hyung’s voice sounding louder.

“ _It’s ok, it’s not the only cap I own, I guess you could hand it back next time- I mean, you know, when we see each other… I-If-I mean if we-… … Yeah_ “he laughed nervously “ _Yeah, ok_ …” the door closed and soft ruffling sounds followed, so I supposed he was taking off his shoes “ _Sure, if he’s as nice as you told me… … I don’t’ know, does he really want to meet me?... … Come on! I’m serious… … Ok, I believe you…_ ” another little laugh “ _Well you seem to have a really supportive bandmate, don’t you?_ ”

I couldn’t help the sharp feeling of accusation at that. I looked at Woohyun to my side, his face scrunched in a deep frown, and then Hoya to my other side, same gesture.

_Maybe if you’d tell us about this we could show you how supportive **your own** bandmates could be, hyung…_

Sunggyu didn’t seem to be entering the living room any time soon, probably still sitting at the entrance, already in socks.

“ _The guys? N-no, I don’t think… No, it’s not… I really don’t think it’d be a good idea… … No, they don’t know_ “ his voice rushed in a fidgety sound “ _No, hyung, it’s not, I-I’m sorry, ok?... … I just don’t know how- We already talked about this hyung, please_ ” he pleaded “ _… … Yes, ok_ ”

I heard the soft clicking of tongue from Woohyun, so I nudged both him and Hoya and signaled them towards the corridor. We shouldn’t be listening to this, and it would be really bad if Sunggyu were to catch us here spying on him. They seemed to share my opinion, because both nodded and started to peel from the couch as silently as they could. Hoya turned the TV off and we started tip toeing our way to the rooms. Sunggyu’s voice could still be heard though.

“ _Hm… Yes, thanks a lot hyung… … No, please forget about that, you have my trust, ok?... … Ok, goodnight hyung_ ”

The last sentence held such a soft feeling attached that I couldn’t help to _hear_ the smile in his voice.

 

* * *

 

 **[a week later]**

This was it, we knew, the crossing glances of expectation between us were clear enough. 

_This is it!_

I don’t know why the feeling of triumph started jumping inside me, but I could see that we were all feeling a little accomplished and satisfied with ourselves. It might sound weird but we weren’t winning any award, not releasing any new song, not finishing a recording, nothing like that. We were sitting in a circle in the floor at the dorm, extremely expectant and impatient, our eyes dancing between each other but always falling back to the one figure that was nervously playing with the sleeves of his sweater. He looked uncomfortable, unsure, about to flee from the dorm in any minute, but his eyes were firmly attached at the floor, looking deadly determined. 

“Come on hyung, just tell us, what is it about?” Dongwoo nudged with a smile, comfortingly patting Sunggyu’s shoulder. 

We knew already, we all knew… Well, we ‘ _suspected’_ , but we were so sure of being right that we had forgotten of that minuscule possibility of being wrong. And now, being suddenly gathered here by a very fidgety leader, after a whole day of watching his nervous messaging with the famous _no one_ , we were pretty sure he was finally telling us. 

“Ok,” he breathed out, closing his eyes and squaring his shoulders. He took a few more seconds until he opened his eyes again and tried to look at us, but ended up wavering and setting them in his lap “I have… I mean, I need to tell you… Y-You’ve been asking lately, right?” he fiddled with his fingers; we only nodded at him, even if he wasn’t looking “I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’m being a little… Uh…” he lifted his gaze to the side with a grimace “Weird?” 

I couldn’t help but to snort at that, and I heard similar reactions from the rest of us. Sunggyu flinched and went back to play with his fingers. It wasn’t really usual for him to be so uneasy around us, so it reflected how scared he was about all this. The sight made my frustration and impatience cool down, so I tried to help him out with a little push. 

“Yes, hyung. Are you going to tell us why?” 

He nodded, not lifting his head “I… Kind of met someone some months ago, back when we were still promoting the single, remember?” he looked up briefly, only to make sure we nodded “And we got along really well, we became friends soon after and… Uh” I could see him gulp down “And well then… Then there was this party he-the-I mean… H-he kind of… I-Ah, damn it! I can’t do this!” he suddenly broke down, hiding his face in his shaky hands. 

In the blink of an eye, Woohyun was by his side prying his hands form his face in a rather forceful manner, his face blank “Hyung,” he said locking his eyes with Sunggyu. He threw a glance at us before look at the leader again and finish in a softer tone “It’s ok, we already know” 

“No, Woohyun, you don’t know” he shook his head vehemently. 

“Yes, we _know_ ”

“It’s not what you thought-“ 

“Hyung, look at me-“ 

“I need to make it clear, I just can’t-“ 

“We want to meet him” Myungsoo blurted out loud enough for all of us to hear him over the struggling main vocals. 

Five pairs of eyes were set in his face, the sixth was stuck in Woohyun’s hands holding his own. Slowly, we all turned to Sunggyu. 

“He’s right, we want to meet this guy” I supported his idea. 

“Yes!” Hoya hit the floor with a fist “I want to know that-!“ 

“Hyung! Introduce him to us!” Dongwoo intercepted. 

“Sunggyu…” Woohyun tried to call the leader’s attention back to him, but the man was still staring at his hands with an absent look “Hyung…” 

“You… You know?” he mumbled in a low voice. 

“Yes, I told you, we already know” 

“How did you…?” he looked at Woohyun. 

“I’m not as stupid as you’d like to believe, ok? Actually you kind of offend me, I can put one and one together, alright?” 

“Did you tell them?” Sunggyu asked in a harsher tone, freeing his hands from the other’s. 

“What? No, I didn’t! They found out on their own” 

They both turned to us. 

“Yeah, actually we found out before him” Sungyeol shrugged a single shoulder. 

“How?” 

“Well…” Dongwoo seemed suddenly very guilty “We kind of overheard some things and found some others and, uh” he laughed awkwardly “We just came to that conclusion” 

“Wait” he shook his head “I don’t know if we’re talking about the same thing here-“ 

“The guy came on to you at that party, didn’t he?” Hoya asked rather sharply. 

“Uh… Y-yes” 

“And” Woohyun sat down beside him, taking hold of his hand again “you are giving him a chance now, aren’t you?” 

Sunggyu looked at him with a look I had never seen in him. He looked expectant, scared and apologetic all at once, like a kid that had been caught doing something wrong. 

“The thing is that we’re absolutely ok with it, hyung, you don’t need to be so worried” I offered cheerily trying to whip that miserable look from his face. 

Sunggyu stared at us, his mouth firmly shut and his eyes cautious and suspecting. He locked glances with each and every one of us, as if trying to pull the truth from our eyes. I felt a shiver run down my spine when his dark, sharp eyes pierced mine. There was a harsh request for honesty in them, as well as an urgent need for support. I smiled at him, the most comforting smile I could muster. 

“You sure all of you are completely ok with it?” he asked once he finished his search. He gave us a second, before looking pointedly at Hoya. 

“W-what? Why are you looking at me? I’m ok with it!” Sunggyu raised an eyebrow at him “Why don’t you believe me?” he insisted, looking at us for help. 

“You _do_ have a problem” I said “As well as Woohyun hyung” 

“What? No, I don’t!” the latter defended himself, and gripped Sunggyu’s hand against his chest as a way of reinforce his statement “Why are you saying that Sungjong?” 

“But he’s right!” Sungyeol almost yelled “You both were about to go ape-shit on the guy the time when he came-“

“Yah! Shut it Sungyeol!” 

“What? It’s the truth! You even said that you’d beat his face beyond recognit-“ 

“We did not! Stop it!” 

“You even tried to get his plate number!“ 

“Enough!” Hoya jumped forward, hands reaching to the taller guy. 

“You’re not meeting him” Sunggyu’s voice stated in a terminal way. 

“Wait, hyung! We don’t hate him as much” I immediately tried to fix. 

“ _As much_?” 

“At all” I corrected with a straight face that didn’t seem to quite convince the leader. 

We probably spent nearly an hour on the floor, between the bickering, the persuading, the apologizing and the scolding that went in all directions. We still didn’t manage to convince hyung to even tell us who this guy was, but we made him understand and believe that we honestly supported him. 

By the time we had to get ready for our next schedule, things were in a lighter note, playful bickering and good natured curiosity over anything, though our hyung still looked uncomfortable. I went to my room to get my jacket, soon followed by Sunggyu who had to change his shirt. 

“So, hyung…” 

“Hmm..” 

“Are you really not going to tell us even?” 

“No” 

“Why not? Come on, what could be so bad?”

“Many things”

“Name one convincing reason” 

“I give you six” he looked at me and I knew what he meant. 

“Hyung, we’re not that bad, please~” 

“No, Jong” he finished with his shirt and threw the used one to a heap of dirty clothes. 

“Okay, what about this?” I offered “I have a little list of options-“ 

“What?” he blinked astonished. 

“What?” I blinked back. I went to my bag and started looking for the little note book I carried. 

“Wait, you have been listing possible…?” 

“Candidates, yes” I finished for him. 

“Why…? I don’t… Ugh, forget it” 

“Don’t tell me you wouldn’t have done the same if the tables were turned, hyung… Actually, no, you wouldn’t, you would track the guy down or make us confess under any methods”

“Don’t be so drastic, you make me sound like a dictator”

“Hmm…” 

“What? What’s with that ‘Hm’?” 

“Come one hyung” I snickered “Just tell me if this guy is in my list” I said handing him the sheet of paper. There were only a bunch of names, so if the right one was there, it’d be a huge step. 

“Ok, let me see that” he sighed, taking the list.

He swept his eyes through the names without a single reaction, then handed it back to me with a blank face. I let my hopes fall down, I had them all wrong- 

“He’s there” 

“What?” I gasped “I got him? I got him here?” 

“Yes, I’m not telling you anything else though. And, if you manage to find out, _do not_ tell the rest of the guys, understood?” 

“Buy, hyung-“ 

“Understood?” 

“Yes, hyung, I won’t tell” 

I eyed the list, racking my brain to remember all the little bits of information we had gathered until then and trying to fit them into the handful of people I had written down. I didn’t understand what was it that concerned him so much about telling us who the guy was. He had already told us the hardest part of it all, so why stop there? Did he honestly fear we would try to hurt him? Confront him in any way? Maybe threaten him?

 _You should trust us a little more hyung…_

But, then again, he had just told us some huge news, they hadn’t been so shocking only because we already knew, and we found out little by little and on our own. But I’m pretty sure that if things had gone the way he _thought_ things were going, hell would had broken loose in the dorm. Imagine compressing all of our reactions, greatly potentiated by bluntness and unexpectedness, in that little circle we were sitting in… Total disaster. So I was really glad things had happened like this. 

“I _will_ tell you, ok?” his voice brought me back from my musing. He was looking at me with that look again, that look that asked for time, for understanding and support “Just, not yet”

“I know hyung, it’s ok” I smiled at him, what else could I do?

 

\--

 

**[two weeks later]**

“Why don’t you lie down on the couch, hyung?” Myungsoo suggested. 

I eyed the couches, they had definitely seen better days, but the headache was seriously killing me, and the painkiller would take at least half an hour to do something about it. 

“Yeah, I guess I could…” I slumped down in one of them, rolling some of the clothes over it together to have a makeshift pillow. 

“Don’t worry, no one but us should come here until the recording is done, so you have a good time to nap” Sungjong smiled. 

“How long will it take you?” 

“I don’t know, there’s not much left and it’s way simpler than the first part, so I don’t think we’ll be too delayed” 

“Yes, but remember that there’ll be a lot of us at the same time” Myungsoo said while checking a few papers that were resting on the counter “Quite a few, really”

“But we’re recording in parts now, and then the final bit all together again, so it’s not that bad” 

“Oh, well then it should be easy, is it only the one with us four together left?” 

“No, I think they’re mixing us up as well… Let me see” he took the papers “Oh, well there are two scenes with only the four of us, and then you and Yeol hyung get to record with Cheondung hyung, Sulli and Juri noona, while Hoya hyung and I do it with Shindong hyung, Boram noona and Changmin hyung” 

“Ah, really… How many people are participating in this?” I asked. 

“Well, you can count them if you want, but they’re a lot… If you add the MC’s…” 

“We’ll go home _so_ late tonight… Tomorrow at this rate” 

“No, these parts are really short and easy, don’t worry, we’re not in that many anyway” the maknae reassured. 

“Let’s hope it all goes well then” 

“It’ll be fine, hyung, you’re talking with the three best actors of our group here… And a pretty boy” Sungyeol decided to join the conversation, only to be hit with the rolled up papers by Sungjong. 

“You think you’ll be done before Woohyun and Sunggyu hyung come?” 

“Don’t think so” the youngest shook his head. 

“Oh, well I guess at least I’ll have someone to talk to until you finish recording”

“Sure, you can come take a look too, if you want” 

“Nah, I’ll stay here for now” 

“Ok, I still think you should have gone home” 

“I’m here already, and I had to cheer for you out there!” 

“You didn’t have to-“ 

“Yes, I did, all of the other idols out there brought their bandmates to cheer for them, and our woogyu pair was busy so I was the only one that could make it or you’d have ended up alone and with no one to cheer for you”

“You make it sound so sad…” 

“It would have been really sad! So don’t worry, the headache will be gone soon and I’ll be roaming around the corridors like always” I smiled at them.

The door of the room opened and the head of a staff member came in “It’s time for start the second part of the recording, your friend is already waiting for you” 

“Ok, we’re coming~” Sungjong chirped before turning to me “Rest well, Dongwoo hyung, see you later” 

“See you hyung” 

“We’ll be back soon” 

“Ok, good luck!”

The door closed and I made myself comfortable in the beaten couch, trying not to pay too much attention to the pounding in my head. I didn’t fall asleep, unfortunately, but I was moving back and forth between a drowsy consciousness and a very light slumber. As time passed, I was less and less aware of the headache. I felt cold at some point, but then warm again. I shifted once or twice maybe, and then stayed still, too comfortable and warm to move an inch. 

The clattery sound of someone tripping brought me back from the dizzy, half-asleep, half-awake state I was in. I blinked drowsily a few times before I understood that I couldn’t see anything even with my eyes open. 

The couch jumped slightly as the weight of someone dropped down on the one right beside it. I strained my neck a little and realized I had been buried under a pile of different clothes. I pulled the tangle of fabric down a little to peak my head out, and found myself facing the softly styled hair of Sunggyu hyung. I had to blink a few more times until my brain could finally process my surroundings and I managed to coordinate my limbs enough to slowly pull my phone from my pocket. 

It was only forty minutes later, but my headache was already gone. I turned to my hyung to greet him, but saw that he has his earplugs on, the soft murmur of music coming from them. He was resting in the couch next to mine, legs propped up on it, his back facing me and resting over the armrest. He was using his phone, the big screen painfully clear for me to see. I wasn’t intending to actually watch, but it was right in front of me, the name bold and almost jumping to my eyes, again the weirdly cheery “ _Hyuuung~_ ” in the chat. 

I averted my eyes, trying to control my sudden urge to peek. I had scolded Myungsoo for checking on his conversations before, so I couldn’t be doing the same now… But, it wasn’t exactly the same, was it? 

_There’s no big secret to hide anymore, is it? It’s back to what it was before…_

I shook my head minimally, scolding myself in my head, but the soft giggle next to me ended up snapping my head back to the screen of the phone in hyung’s hands. 

_Oh, come on! I’m trying to do the adult thing here hyung, don’t break my resolve!_

But I couldn’t lie to myself, I was already reading from behind his shoulder, the jacked draped over my head again.    

**Hyuuung~: Really? What have you been listening to?**

**Kyuzizi: I don’t know, just some random songs I found…**

**Hyuuung~: Yeah? Do you recognize my voice already?**

**Kyuzizi: Of course! The less talented one of the two**

**Hyuuung~: You wound me  （；へ：）**

**Kyuzizi: kkk, just kidding hyung! I really like your voice （＾ω＾）**

**Hyuuung~: I don’t know if I should believe you** **(´∩** **｀** **)**

 **Kyuzizi: I mean it! You have a really sweet voice when you sing**

**Hyuuung~: D’aww, really?**

**Kyuzizi: Yes, when you’re not doing the funny rap voice… or screaming if I believe it and to have fun fun fun… hey~**

**Hyuuung~: What??**

He snickered. 

**Hyuuung~: Oh, wait, right, kkk, you heard that one, huh?**

**Kyuzizi: Yeah, didn’t know I had such a badass hyung**

**Hyuuung~: Shut up, I saw your screamo at that concert**

He threw his head back and groaned before replying. 

**Kyuzizi: Ugh, of course you would (ノ#-_-)**

**Hyuuung~: back to the topic, do you like my voice or not?**

**Kyuzizi: Yes, I like it hyung! It’s really soothing**

**Hyuuung~: Soothing? Maybe I should try singing you to sleep sometime…?**

**Kyuzizi: Don’t get all fluffy on me hyung!**

**Hyuuung~: Oh, but I wasn’t being fluffy at all (^_−)☆**

I ducked down the moment Sunggyu tipped his head slightly to the side for a second, before letting out an affronted “Yah!” and resuming his speed fire typing. I waited a little, only hearing soft mumbles from my hyung, before resurfacing in slow motion and peeking over his shoulder again. I noticed that the little I could see of his round cheeks looked a little red.

 **Hyuuung~: Ok, ok, I’ll drop it**

**Hyuuung~: You know what I realized the other day?**

**Kyuzizi: What?**

**Hyuuung~: We have matching songs Gyu-ah!**

**Kyuzizi: Matching songs?**

**Hyuuung~: Yes, and as I already heard yours, you should listen to mine, ok?**

**Kyuzizi: I don’t think I follow hyung**

**Hyuuung~: Just wait a bit, k?**

**Kyuzizi: Ok?**

I had to lay down again, because Sunggyu started glancing around the moment he started “ _waiting a bit_ ”, humming lightly the song he was listening to. I stayed as still as I could, which took a great amount of self-restraint, I must admit, and managed to go unnoticed by the oblivious leader. A little inquisitive noise told me that his hyung has replied to him, so I peeked again. 

_Huh? What’s that file? A song?... Ohhhh, right, matching songs!_

I had to use all my power not to giggle like a school girl at the sight of the title of the song, but my hyung didn’t have to, so the bubbly, cheery sound flooded the room as he tapped the name of the file. 

**Hyuuung~: You’ll listen to it, right?**

**Kyuzizi: I’m about to~**

**Hyuuung~: Try to catch my voice there**

**Kyuzizi: Won’t be a problem**

**Hyuuung~: Actually, I’m done here, did you arrive? If you wait a little bit I could dance for you tooヾ(-_- )ゞ**

**Kyuzizi: Yes, I’m here already… But that’d be… extremely awkward**

**Hyuuung~: I know you love watching me dance Gyu-ah**

**Kyuzizi: Where did you get that idea from?**

**Hyuuung~: Come on, a private show from your dancing King here**

**Kyuzizi: I’m listening to the song now**

Indeed, he wasted no time in giving play to the song. I couldn’t hear much from it, but I wouldn’t be able to recognize it even if I did, because the reactions of my hyung were taking all of my attention away. He snorted first, then sunk into the couch, a little giggle shook his shoulders and he immediately started groaning and mumbling things like “Why are doing this to me?” or “Oh god, I’m a teenage girl!”. Finally, he sighed loudly and readjusted himself, but before he could do anything else, the door opened and inside came the maknae. 

“Hyung! There you were!” Sungjong chirped. 

“Wha-Oh, yes!” Sunggyu scrambled to his feet, detaching himself from the phone. 

“We’re almost done, Myungsoo and Sungyeol hyungs need to finish their last parts and then we’re finished” 

“Ok, ok” his attention wavered to the device again. 

In that moment, the mankae’s eyes fell on me, and I saw his mouth open, about to rat me out, so I gestured to him, as subtly as I could, not to say anything. Hyung didn’t seem to notice a thing, as he was busy typing again. 

“So…” Sungjong started, but didn’t have to elaborate more, being interrupted by the leader. 

“I’m… I’m going out a little, ok? Message me when everyone’s ready to go” he gave a soft pat at the mankae’s shoulder and left the room. 

I rose from my overly-warm hideout and sighed, before turning to Sungjong.

“Sungjong, quickly give me your list of candidates” I urged.

“What? What for?”

“Do you have it here?”

“Yes, it’s in the notebook” he went to fetch it from his bag “Why?”

“I might have the final answer” I grinned, he looked back at me with big eyes. 

“How?” he asked in a hushed tone, even when we were alone, and handed me the list. 

I took my phone out and opened the search engine. Sungjong sat beside me and watched with interest. 

“Well,” I smiled at him “we just need to find out which of these guys has made a song by the name of _‘Destiny’_ ”

 


	6. The hyung

**[two minutes later]**

I entered the room to find Sungjong and Dongwoo with their faces stuck to the screen of the pone, piece of paper in hand.

“What are you guys doing?”

“Huh?” they both looked up with big eyes.

“I said what are you doing?”

“Oh, nothing, just trying to find out who the mysterious hyung is” Dongwoo answered with a toothy grin.

“Just give up already, Sunggyu will tell us sooner or later”

“Yeah, but we have a huge chance now” Sungjong almost jumped in his place out of excitement.

“And why is that?” I raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Well, let’s say that I accidentally caught part of a conversation between Sunggyu hyung and this guy” the rapper shrugged “And some details ended up being potentially helpful…”

“What is it?”

“Seems like this guy has a song called ‘Destiny’, just like us”

“Yeah, he sent it to hyung, but I couldn’t listen to it because I was too amused watching Sunggyu being all adorable and weird” the rapper laughed that contagious crackle of his “But really, the guy is something… He even offered to give hyung a private dance along with the song if he waited a little” he wiggled his eyebrows, Sungjong to his side was seemingly battling over feeling perturbed and amused.

“If he waited for what?” I asked, trying to ignore the murderous impulse swelling in me at the mention of this ‘ _private dance_ ’.

“Huh… “ Dongwoo stared at me blankly for a while “I don’t know really”

“If he waited for them to see each other, of course” the maknae provided, his face with the expression of someone who’s stating the obvious… Which, yeah, he was.

“Oh, right… Wait, so they’re going to see each other today?”

“No, he can’t, we are going home straight after this, it's pretty late already” I argued.

“That’s right, it took us much longer than what I thought” Sungjong nodded.

“But…”

“But what?”

“He said ‘ _if you wait a little bit_ ’… Ohhh,” his eyes widened “He had asked hyung if he had arrived, and hyung said ‘ _yes I’m here’_ ”

I stared at him, he stared back, Sungjong watched us from the side. That is, until I felt my eyes grow larger and my mouth drop.

“He’s here!”

“What?”

“He’s here! The guy is right here!”

“Oh… _Oohhhh_ , you must be right!” Sungjong suddenly jumped.

“Wait, where’s Sunggyu?”

“He left a few minutes before you came” he answered.

“Where was he going?”

“He didn’t say”

“But!” the rapper interceded with a conspiratorial look “he was messaging his hyung _just_ before leaving”

We all crossed glances a few times before Sungjong inquired in a soft voice “Do you think he’s with him right now?”

“I bet he is” Dongwoo with a little too much excitement.

“I’ll go find him”

“What?” they both looked at me.

“I’ll go find _them_ , I’ll walk on them and then he’ll have to introduce the bastard whether he wants to or not” I couldn’t help the smug smile in my face.

“But wait, Woohyun hyung, what if you walk on them?” Sungjong poked.

“Uh, that’s what-“

“No, I mean… you know, walk on them… Being busy-?”

“God, Sungjong, don’t go further!”

“But-“

“Just don’t! They won’t be doing anything, hyung wouldn’t… Just no, ok?”

“Ok” he shrugged.

“Ok” I nodded, convincing myself that it would be alright, then turned to the door “I’ll go now. I’ll let you know where they are so you can come meet the guy too” I smiled.

“Good luck!” I heard them call.

The moment I started walking down the corridors I bumped into the rest of the guys, all going to the waiting room. I barely waved at them with a smile and told them I’d be seeing them later.

I strolled all over the place, trying to inconspicuously peek into every room and sharpening my hearing to catch any possible lead to them. I don’t know how long I searched for them, but I wasn’t even near considering giving up when I heard him.

“ _I mean it, don’t get nasty here!_ ” a male voice I didn’t recognize said.

“ _W-what are you saying? I wouldn’t!_ ” that was Sunggyu.

“ _I wasn’t precisely talking about you_ ” the first voice said.

“ _Yah, just go already_ ” a second one barked lightly.

“ _Whatever… See you, Gyu-ah!_ ”

“ _Bye, hyung!_ ”

The door opened and I hid behind the corner quickly. I heard steps moving away so I took a glance and saw the back of a tall, slender guy going further away.

_Wait, that was the hyung? He’s leaving? Ah, dammit…_

“ _Ah, finally_ ” the other voice sighed “ _Really, how little trust he has in me_ ”

“ _I wonder why could that be?_ ” Sunggyu’s voice replied, a little tone of teasing coloring his voice.

“ _Don’t give me that face_ ” the other man laughed softly “ _Come here, he’s gone now, you have no more excuses_ ”

There was the soft sound of someone moving before Sunggyu’s voice sounded again “ _I have to go soon anyway, it’s gotten late_ ” he sounded muffled by something.

“ _Ah, the hectic life of an idol_ ” the man sighed dramatically.

“ _Shut up, you’re worse than me_ ” hyung chuckled softly.

I neared the door, squatting down a little so I could look inside. I could see the back of yet another man facing me, he was leaning against a table behind a row of seats. I didn’t delay my attention too much on him, though, because wrapped around his torso were a pair of arms that I could easily recognize, and that simplified my conclusion.

_Oh, so **this** is the hyung!_

I suddenly felt a little uncomfortable watching Sunggyu snuggling into this man’s shoulder. It was awkward enough to watch a friend of yours with their partner, add to that the fact that they thought they were alone, and now the detail that they’re both guys just like… well, me. I really didn’t know where to direct my eyes, but, at the same time, I couldn’t help myself from watching them. Call it curiosity, concern, confusion or the need to understand them, I don’t know really, the only thing I knew was that I felt like I was snakingly watching my older brother in an intimate moment with his girlfriend… Boyfriend... Whatever.

They had fallen silent, I could only see my hyung’s fingers clinging tightly to the fabric of the man’s jersey, while the top of his head peeked from the broad shoulders. The man’s arms were draped around Sunggyu’s torso securely, pressing him closely enough for me to barely see a glimpse of my hyung’s side. I couldn’t see the face of the guy, though.

_Ok, this is it, you just barge in looking for Sunggyu and bam! Catch them…_

Looked simple enough, but I still couldn’t force myself to move a single feet into the room. It’s not like they were doing anything at all, just lying there, hugging, but the scene held an atmosphere of privacy that was hard to ignore. There were almost imperceptible little moves, Sunggyu’s head nudging the other’s shoulder, or nestling closer into the crook of his neck; the man’s arm slowly moving in a gentle, rhythmical way, hinting the soft rub to my hyung’s back; even some tiny little noises, innocent in all their right, just hums and sighs of comfort here and there, the soft rustle of their clothes brushing together. But it all pictured a sense of intimacy that warned me against any irruption. I was honestly starting to feel out of place.

As if trying to prove my point, a little pleasant hum surged from Sunggyu’s throat, and I felt like apologizing and pushing them apart at the same time.

I pressed my back against the wall of the corridor and took a deep breath.

_Come on! They’re not doing anything, I can do this!_

I raised a fist in encouragement for myself and turned again… Only to have a mouthful of air stuck in my throat and a rush of heat raise to my face.

_Oh, holy crap-!_

Just my luck that in the five seconds I turn my back on them, they start kissing, and there I was, frozen in my spot, my eyes fixed on them. I couldn’t start to comprehend why, but I could only watch as they pressed impossibly close to each other, hyung’s fingers burying into the guy’s clothes, the man’s arms tensing because of the strength with which he was squeezing Sunggyu against him. The kiss was simple, lazy and tightly pressed between them.

_Now I can’t walk on them, can I?_

But I still stayed in my place. Maybe it was sheer curiosity, as I had never seen my hyung in a situation like this, only imagining what he would be like with a girlfriend, or with someone he cherished in a different way than us… And now seeing him right there in front of my eyes, wrapped in a flush hug and slowly molding himself into the arms of another man, maybe I was a little uncomfortable, a little jittery, a little annoyed, a tiny bit jealous too, but I couldn’t deny the irrational impulse of watching; even when the kiss slowly and lethargically morphed into something else, into a more heated exchange, rolling from a press of lips to a still sluggish yet heavy make out session. The deep silence around us was making every little noise painfully clear, so as their breaths started to sound louder, and their other tiny sounds started to send embarrassed shivers down my spine, my mind seemed to understand that I definitely _shouldn’t_ be watching, and the intense feeling of intrusion finally pushed the curiosity aside and let the awkwardness step in with all its heaviness.

I turned around immediately, an intense blush on my face, and was about to dash out when Sunggyu’s voice rooted me to my place.

“ _I’ll introduce you to the kids today_ ” he said, tone flat and serious, but still veiled with the soft tone of intimacy.

“ _Really?_ ” the man sounded slightly surprised.

“ _Hm_ ” there were some soft clicking sounds, and I had to convince myself that they _weren’t_ kissing again so the image wouldn’t block my coherent thinking “ _I promised you I would introduce you to them_ ” another little sound _“ and I promised them the same thing_ ”

“ _You know you don’t have to if you don’t want to yet_ ”

“ _Yeah, but I also promised myself I’d do it the first chance I got… And that’s today so…_ ”

“ _If you’re sure about it…_ ”

“ _I guess… Come on, we need to go soon, so might as well take you with me_ ”

That was my cue to rush back to the group.

I practically ran the whole way back to the waiting room and slammed the door open. The moment we saw each other, we all spoke at the same time.

“We know who he is!”

“We got it!”

“You won’t believe this!”

“He’s coming!!”

And then we fell quiet again, the sound of my heavy breathing flooding the room.

“Ok, wait, what?” I shook my head in a futile attempt to clear my thoughts.

“Who’s coming?” Hoya asked confused.

“Hyung”

“Oh, and why do you look so alarmed by it?”

“Because he’s bringing his hyung with him”

“Oh…”

“OH! Wait, _the_ hyung? Here?” Sungyeol jumped from his seat.

“Yeah, he’s introducing him to us… As in now!”

“And how do you know that? Did you meet him yet?” Dongwoo asked expectantly.

“Uh, no”

“Then how do you know?”

“I… Uh, I found them, but couldn’t see the guy and they were a little, uh, distracted, I guess…”

A little awkward silence rolled between us, and then Sungjong broke it.

“I told you you’d walk into them being _busy_ ”

“What? No! No, no, no” I shook my hands and head “They weren’t, they were just… I… I don’t even know what were they doing, it was nothing, but it was still awkward, so… Ugh, just forget it, the thing now is that he’s bringing-”

“Guys” Sunggyu’s voice behind me made me literally jump and hit the chair beside me.

“What? Sunggyu hyung!” I laughed “Hi!”

“Uh, hi Woohyun…” he looked at me weirdly, his head peeking from the door, before turning to the rest of us “Um, guys…” he glanced to his side, at the corridor outside, and entered the room, leaving the door slightly open behind him “So, uh…” he scratched his arm in a nervous manner “Remember that I told you… That I’d let you meet this, um, this person-?”

“Your hyung, yes!” Sungjong pressed.

“Y-Yeah… Well-“

“We know-!” the maknae tried to say, but Myungsoo shut him off with a well-placed elbow on his side.

“Yes, hyung, we still want to meet him” the visual smiled warmly.

“Ok…” he seemed to be reading himself “Ok” he repeated, heaving a long sigh. He snuck his hand outside the door and brought back an arm, right before pulling in the entire man. The moment the guy came in I could only watch, as I heard the little triumphant sounds from the rest of the group from my side, evidence that they had hit the mark with their assumptions.

The guy bowed to us before Sunggyu could say anything else.

“Good day Sunggyu’s dongsaengs” he raised again and gave us a smile that held both nervousness and accomplishment but still managed to look confident and warm “I’m your hyung’s boyfriend, Jung Yunho, a pleasure to meet you”

Between the maknae’s poorly held squeals, Dongwoo’s boisterous laugh, Sungeyol’s screeching, Hoya’s and Myungsoo’s quiet staring and Sunggyu’s affronted stuttering and complaining about the wording of the introduction, I could only think that I was absolutely not expecting _this guy_ to walk in hand in hand with my hyung. But…

I threw a glance to my side and caught Hoya’s hard stare, I raised an eyebrow and got a curt nod in response, settling our agreement on the incoming approach.

_Ok, now, mystery solved, it’s time to have a one-on-one talk with this mister._

Maybe not right at the moment, but as soon as we could manage to catch him alone. He was, after all, the self-proclaimed boyfriend of _our_ friend, so things had to be set clear, greetings would come after, as well as honorifics and pleasantries. I rolled my neck and straightened my back, catching a glimpse of Hoya standing defiantly beside me as well. I caught Yunho’s eyes and held the glance; the little twist of his mouth and shift in his stance told me that he knew what was coming from us and was ready to face it, even if he looked slightly surprised.

I smiled at him.

_Well, priorities are priorities… you know?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it :)


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